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WHITE WIDOW
Meet Yourself
Design Meets Comfort
Your search for the perfect survival strategy has come to an end!
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STARR - White Widow Strategy
by Vera Franco
White, Grey & Black Widow -
How Sexual Energy is Used As A Survival Strategy
by Vera Franco
Black, Grey, White Widow - From Sexual Survival to Healing Intimacy
by Vera Franco
Which 'Widow' Are You?
THE 'WHITE WIDOW' STRATEGY
The term 'White Widow' is the name Possibility Management has adopted to distinguish the Box survival strategy #2 which uses sexual energy to control and manipulate the environment to make it safe. This is not bad. It is not good either. It has certain consequences.
As a little girl you found that if you sat in daddy’s lap and squirmed around happily in certain ways… or, as a little boy you found that if you nuzzled your mom’s body, played with her hair, flirted with her, being a 'good boy' and mixing your sexual energies… you were safe and easily got almost whatever you wanted, and less abusive attention.
Both men and women can become White Widows. The Capitalist Patriarchal Empire tends to force more women than men to take on the White Widow strategy.
Sexual energy exchange was key to your success and it became an unconscious tool woven into your survival strategy. Now you flirt without thinking it is flirting. By exchanging subtle sexual substances with others your life seems easeful and fun, although the partners you attract also probably flirt unconsciously and this could eventually bring your own flirting to your attention.
Your habitual sexual energy enmeshment with others is difficult to change because it first must be made conscious. The only real way to make it conscious is by completely stopping it. To succeed in stopping requires being in a transformational healing environment held with enough safety and clarity to navigate you through a year or more of liquid states not knowing who you are or how to relate with other people.
You are no longer 18 years old. The White Widow strategy has allowed you to survive and has now become your prison. You are using this strategy with the people you love. Sexual energy exchange, enmeshment and manipulation strategies are co-opted by your Gremlin to serve Shadow Principles and this blocks you from adult intimacy. This is devastating.
THE 'BLACK WIDOW' STRATEGY
The term 'Black Widow' is the name that Possibility Management has given to the Box survival strategy of a person who has been sexually abused and has dedicated their life purpose to the shadow purpose of Revenge. Black Widows live to kill and destroy. This is an understandable, but desperate strategy.
Being sexually abused as a child can range anywhere from your mother or a babysitter playing with your penis while changing your diaper, to your brother or an uncle sneaking into your bedroom at night and touching you or raping you. Sexual abuse creates massive confusion in your Being about who you are, who to trust, who owns your body, how to make boundaries that work, what you can tell others or must keep secret under threat of great harm, and what experiences may feel good, but also actually hurt.
Sexual abuse forces you to engage in sexual energy interactions at an inappropriate time in your development. As a result, you direct your sexual energy talents to both protect yourself and also to obtain the most excruciating revenge possible. You
incorporate sexually abusing others into your survival strategy. You live in your Underworld.A Black Widow woman typically wears skin-tight shiny-black leggings with high heels, amplifies her cleavage, and does whatever it takes to steal the attention of men in the Capitalist Patriarchal Empire and make them drool even if (especially if...) they are walking arm-in-arm with their wife. When they strut down the street or move lithely through spaces most men have already lost their center and their balls. The Black Widow uses men like a tampon, tossing them bloody into the gutter after use.
A Black Widow woman also uses sexual energy towards other women, charming them into thinking they are on the same team while secretly competing with them. The Black Widow woman will gather any evidence to kill and destroy other women and "win" the man.
The Black Widow condition is unfortunately rather final. Black Widows do not come to personal development trainings because they believe that getting revenge is all that they have to live for. They are so completely identified with the Black Widow survival strategy that they are afraid nothing else is possible. There is no ground for the Being to stand on, so initiatory processes do not work. Gremlin runs their life and will not sacrifice vengeance as its food.
THE 'GREY WIDOW' STRATEGY
Because there was unconscious sexual energy around you as a child you incorporate it into your survival strategy to a high degree but you do not dedicate your life to revenge. You do not hate the opposite sex. People spot you a mile away as sexually attractive.
They want to use you in advertising films, or to take photos of you to look at later for masturbating. People may not be able to resist looking at you. Strangers may compliment your eyes, your smile, or your laughter as a way to get your attention because even if you just glance at them it is almost enough to cause an orgasm. You may be using sex and flirtation as a way to keep your job, to keep your partner around, and to transform possible aggressors by insinuating “if you are nice to me you might get sex from me.” It works so well that sexual energy becomes a predominant characteristic of your life. You may find yourself working in some part of the entertainment or fashion industry where sexual energy is the “coin of the realm” even if your Being might have other interests.
In the case of a woman Grey Widow, she does not feel safe unless she is the sex goddess of the group. If the men don't bow down to her, she does not know how to interact with them. If other women come along, it is a "kill or compete" situation.
The Grey Widow is more human than a Black Widow but can eat White Widows for breakfast. It is the in-between case. A Grey Widow who longs for authentic life may attend personal development trainings, but need either a lot of courage or a lot of despair because learning to live without the defense strategy is a huge sacrifice.
What is Psychic Sex?
Think back and remember the last time you were strolling along a shopping mall or through the center of town. Part of your mind was occupied with thinking about what you intend to accomplish, whether it is window shopping for shoes, or remembering to pick up a bottle of shampoo.
Though most of your conscious attention may be involved in these intellectual considerations, a deeper and more broad-band “animal” part of your mind is scanning the environment for a possible partner with whom to exchange sexual substances. Unless you consciously stop scanning the sex channel, it happens automatically. Unless you intentionally override the program, it proceeds to unerringly complete its designed purposes.
You notice when someone else notices you. Others notice when you notice them. If the mutual noticing of each other, which can occur in an instant, reveals a ripeness of conditions, then shhwinggg, the deal is done. It is a momentary zzzztt through the eyes. Briefly imagined possibilities flit through the imagination, and it is accomplished.
You know what I am talking about.
Psychic Sex Is An Addiction.
Addiction comes from a lack of connection.
The White Widow Survival Strategy prevents you from authentic nurishing connection. It is a self-perpetuating circle, until you put a monkey wrench in the gears.
WHO ARE YOU PRETENDING TO FOOL?
You have spent your entire life weaving sticky webs of sexual energy to trap members of the opposite sex. This way, you stay in control. You stay safe. You manipulate to create relationship spaces that are contexted in merely surviving.
Has it been long enough?
Sexual energy is not good or bad. Your sexual energy is also your life energy, your creative energy. Once you wake up to the consequences and burden left in the wake of your unconscious psychic sexual energy exchanges, you can possibly start consciously serving something greater than yourself.
YOU ALREADY KNOW
Nobody ever told us these things before.
Nobody ever explained what is going on with psychic sex, and what happens because of it.
You can choose to keep pretending or you can choose to start becoming aware of your involvement with psychic sex.
Not that you will necessarily be able to do anything about it for a while.
But it is good to know. Then you can start checking for yourself.
At the level of your body's knowledge, you already know everything I am going to say about psychic sex.
That does not matter. If you are anything like most of us, you have not yet been willing to own at a conscious level what your body already knows – and for a very good reason. Once you become aware of the depth to which you are involved in psychic sex, it can ruin your day.
Psychic sex. If you are not consciously not doing it, then you are doing it unconsciously.
NOTHING TO DO WITH 'RIGHT' OR 'WRONG'
The consideration of psychic sex has nothing to do with interpretations of right and wrong, or good and bad – psychic sex is not a moral issue.
We are not speaking about “should” or “should not.”
Psychic sex is about physics.
The laws of psychic sex become significant as soon as you discover that what you thought was almost nothing in fact leaves a long-lasting, powerful, energetic residue – a stain on your psychic bed sheets, so to speak.
You only begin to take notice of psychic sex as soon as you feel the depths to which psychic sex karmically entangles you with other people.
THE 'ADVANTAGES' OF PSYCHIC SEX
- You can do psychic sex in public and be 'invisible', because everybody else is also doing it and nobody is talking about it. We all have made an unspoken agreement to look the other way.
- There is no physical proof! No lipstick smudges or perfume residue. No stains.
- There is no danger of pregnancy.
- You can do it with almost anybody, anywhere, anytime, even in your dreams.
- There is no chance of contracting dangerous venereal diseases or AIDS.
- It is quick. No foreplay necessary. Success is almost guaranteed. Failure is not a problem.
- In the moment you are doing it, it feels fantastic. It is very rewarding to the Box.
THE DEVASTATION OF PSYCHIC SEX
You don't realize it, but your casual involvement with other is actually psychic sex. These interactions are so common personally and so rampant culturally that until you understand what is actually going on it goes almost unnoticed.
When you become sensitive enough, unwanted psychic sexual interactions are suddenly experienced as an interference in your life, perhaps even as contamination. Only at that point will you be motivated to make the sacrifices and efforts necessary to shift your behaviour. Only when you know the true costs will you willingly suffer the discomforts of changing your unconscious habits.
It will gradually dawn on you that you have been unconsciously or semi-consciously exchanging energetic sexual “substances” with members of the opposite sex (or possibly of the same sex) – a momentary glance, a shared smile – for almost as long as you can remember. These exchanges create tentacles of energetic leakage into other people's space. When you let someone else's tentacle into your energetic space, it is almost impossible to get rid of.
The seeming innocence of a momentary glance will vanish when you experience what you are truly creating for yourself and others. Shared smiles will take on a devastating implication. No longer will the fleeting fantasy of full or partial nakedness leave such a sweet after-taste upon your nervous system. When you start to feel the true impact of psychic sex in your life, it can be a shattering realization. Things will no longer stay the same.
Johann Hari - Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong
How To Detect If You Are A White Widow?
IF YOU ARE A FEMALE WHITE WIDOW...
Whether you are wondering if you, your partner or a total stranger is a White Widow, the qualifications are the same.
A White Widow sits across from the authority figure in a training, course, workshop, classroom, ... Often legs or mouth open circulating the sexual energy between her and the authority figure.
A White Widow always surrounds herself with 3,4,5,6 men around at a party. She drinks from their glasses and offers her glass for them to drink from it. She dances with every man she decides to be attractive to - whether they are in a relationship and the woman is in the room or not.
A White Widow imperceptibly and regularly touches men, their elbows, their arms, their waist when passing by them or sitting next to them at a dinner party.
A female White Widow wears cleavage, see-through top, short skirts, high heels, skin tight pant, red lipsticks.
A White Widow uses any tactic she can to attract men's attention: being late, asking irrelevant questions, making side comments, any excuses to come talk to the teacher at the end of the lesson, or the boss at the end of the day.
A White Widow usually do not have authentic friendship either with men or with women. Their friendship with men is ambiguous, which confuses their male friends. Withe Widow will often find themselves in situation where their male friends have 'fallen in love' with them. White Widow sends two contradictory messages: one full of sexual energy attracting the man in her web, the other, intellectual says 'I just want to be friends'. Male friends usually go away confused or stick around and let themselves be played with.
Their friendship with women is ambiguous. White Widows usually have some women friends that are not White Widows. The competition for male attention between White Widows is fierce. White Widows betray, triangulate, gossip to undermine any other woman in their way. White Widows have for goal to attract all masculine energy; how do you think their girlfriends take it?
IF YOU ARE A MALE WHITE WIDOW...
Whether you are wondering if you, your partner or a total stranger is a White Widow, the qualifications are the same.
A White Widow sits across from the authority figure in a training, course, workshop, classroom, ... Often legs or mouth open circulating the sexual energy between her and the authority figure.
A White Widow always surrounds herself with 3,4,5,6 men around at a party. She drinks from their glasses and offers her glass for them to drink from it. She dances with every man she decides to be attractive to - whether they are in a relationship and the woman is in the room or not.
A White Widow imperceptibly and regularly touches men, their elbows, their arms, their waist when passing by them or sitting next to them at a dinner party.
A female White Widow wears cleavage, see-through top, short skirts, high heels, skin tight pant, red lipsticks.
A White Widow uses any tactic she can to attract men's attention: being late, asking irrelevant questions, making side comments, any excuses to come talk to the teacher at the end of the lesson, or the boss at the end of the day.
A White Widow usually do not have authentic friendship either with men or with women. Their friendship with men is ambiguous, which confuses their male friends. Withe Widow will often find themselves in situation where their male friends have 'fallen in love' with them. White Widow sends two contradictory messages: one full of sexual energy attracting the man in her web, the other, intellectual says 'I just want to be friends'. Male friends usually go away confused or stick around and let themselves be played with.
Their friendship with women is ambiguous. White Widows usually have some women friends that are not White Widows. The competition for male attention between White Widows is fierce. White Widows betray, triangulate, gossip to undermine any other woman in their way. White Widows have for goal to attract all masculine energy; how do you think their girlfriends take it?
A Story of Convalescence
Dear Clinton,
This letter might come as a surprise to you. Well, I just felt the urge to send these lines to you and share some of my insights and experiences of the last few months.
But let me start from the beginning (which, looking back, was rather like an end). It was about two years ago. I participated in your training (it must have been my sixth or seventh training), and, maybe you remember. My process was about my stories going on with women and sex. It was my toughest and most persistent and lasting process so far. When after an eternity the training was finally over, it didn’t feel like any 'endings' I experienced before. Before, [after a training] there was always this relief, a new vision, a clarity, something got healed. This time I felt like I’d been annihilated. I felt so miserable that I wasn’t even able to drive home. Fortunately another man stayed with me and took over the job of driving the car.
During the next 2-3 months, although still feeling miserable, I did as you suggested: I didn’t connect in any way with women, neither women-friends I knew from before nor the unknown woman at the counter of a shop. No eye contact, nothing! It felt horrible, but I somehow knew that that was the only right thing to do.Somehow, that was the easy part, the logical understandable steps on the way. The difficult, frightening part of it was that this process scattered my whole life-plan, my whole story, a story about me, which I thought so far was true and more or less ok! This identity was gone, completely, only some fragments left here and there. I was in a big despair, in the middle of a nightmare: the old identity didn’t work anymore, most of it wasn’t even there anymore, and besides that, there was just this void.
During these months I hated you. I was convinced, that you had made a big mistake, that you had gone too far, that you lost all respect and in a sadistic way enjoyed 'killing' me. As a result I decided to never do another training, to look for something nice and gentle. I quit my long-term training program and withdrew from my spiritual path.
So far this was a description of my internal emotional process. What happened on the outside is that I really was not able anymore to live the way I did before. During my process you said: “Mister, the game is over!” I didn’t get it then, but I got it much, much later! The women / sex – game was (and still is) definitely over!
During the 18 months afterwards, it was like a pendulum had swung from one extreme to the opposite extreme. I didn’t have any contact at all in the first few months, then slowly started to meet women once in awhile, but still staying very distanced and cautious. I really began to think that this was going to be my new style of life: the u-turn from the womanizer I used to be, into a monk.
Now, in August 2001, things are different again. The pendulum found a balance! I’m in love with a wonderful woman. We met about 9 months ago for the first time, then met maybe every second week in the beginning, both being very cautious and respectful. By now we meet nearly daily, and, this really sounds incredible, since about a week or so we hold hands once in a while. Two years ago this idea of a very slow, gentle approach was just not part of my imagination. It was about going to bed with a woman as fast as possible, and then (maybe) starting to get to know the person.
It’s the complete opposite now. We talk and talk for hours, have wonderful walks in nature, and we just are both so fully nurtured with that. There’s nothing missing! It’s so beautiful. I feel like a 14-year old adolescent, being in love with a girl for the first time.
Only now, looking back, I realize how fucked up in relation to relationship, women, and intimacy I was. I am so grateful that things have changed into such a positive way. And I must admit, it’s thanks to you.You were the midwife of this much saner person I am now! No one else had the courage, the knowledge, the strength and the stubbornness to beat 'me' with such a heavy club. With the word 'me' I mean all my destructive, egoistic, hurting, isolating mechanisms going on. I really feel like I am being healed on a very deep level. Like for the first time I can see what intimacy really means.
I’m so grateful and happy you’ve shown up in my life and hit me so hard. It was absolutely necessary. Who knows? Without your smack, I would probably still be on this very self-destructive track.
By the way, two months ago I finished my long-term training (with a little delay). I joined another training in spring, and I joined a men’s group again! I am also much closer again to my spiritual path.
I am looking forward to see you again some day.With deepest respect,
A Grey-Black Widow's Recovery and Considerations About Rescuing People with Black Widow Survival Strategy
As a child, I had a Black Widow in my family (my grandfather) and also found some traits of this strategy in me. I have also participated in "spiritual" spaces led by Black Widows, experienced a relationship with a male Black Widow and a close friendship with a female Black Widow.
These experiences were so devastating for my Being that this became my main motivation to transform my Box. Black Widows join spaces where they sense the possibility of eating someone's energy. The more people, the better - there is more on the table.
They can be very adaptive in spaces, like chameleons. You might even be 100% convinced they are truly dedicated to heal and/or transform. They often play victims but not necessarily - they just follow whatever is needed and demanded right now.
This is just a theatre to hypnotize you and turn off your conscious fear. The moment they feel you have trusted them, you are vulnerable and open, then they pin. It might even be at the very end of the meeting. They say or do something so shocking that it instantly raises the unconscious fear of the group up high. It is very quick and unpredictable. That is why it is so effective.
They eat from people who lose the vigilance to protect their Vulnerability with Anger. The only and ultimate goal is to make a crack in the bubble and install a pin in the energetic body. This way, they create a transfer for the energy to flow to their energetic centre. Their energetic centre had long ago lost the possibility to be sustainable, to produce its own energy. It is like a black hole that can never be filled up, no matter the amount of energy.
Also, the amount of pain connected with this emptiness is beyond words and comprehension. From my experience, what attracts Black Widows is the trait of a rescuer, this slight "hope" (fantasy) that the Black Widow can be healed and will be healed particularly with the dedication of a rescuer. There is a mixture of unconscious fear and joy. They can instantly sense it and follow it. The moment a rescuer owns his/her conscious Fear and Anger is the moment of total clarity about the Black Widow survival strategy.
From the positive perspective, Black Widows serve in our dimension and frequency as trampolines. For me, they showed me where and how I do not want to end up and let me break the transgenerational cycle of abuse. I also have not experienced a Black Widow who has fully transformed. A person with Black Widow traits, yes. A solid Black Widow, no.
In my case, the Black Widow strategy and traits were about revenge. Strictly speaking, it was an unconscious revenge on men who are Black Widows. I could have (and still can) spot a Black Widow. They used to attract me from a mile away.
I used to confuse the fear that I felt as tingling in my tailbone with a physical attraction. This attraction emerged when I was near a Black Widow. Then my Gremlin added a story about compatibility. And from that point on, I wanted to rescue a Bad Boy. Then I discovered what is behind it all: Revenge, empowered by a huge emotional fear, anger and sadness.
I was many times trying to understand the difference between me and a solid Black Widow. I also could have become one. Now I know that Black Widows only want to demolish and destroy the Innocence and the beautiful Vulnerability in people. Once they see this Innocence and Vulnerability, it is their chase - to destroy what was destroyed in them.
I have never had this piece. Somehow, I preserved this Innocent part in me. I have not yet discovered why, what, or who made me preserve this part in me (I feel excited for this exploration ahead!).
My way out came when my grandfather died. It was then that the memory of the sexual abuse came back. Then, I went to therapy and did constellations. Yet I was still unable to discover my underworld. The moment of "enlightenment" was during a relationship with a Black Widow.
What a naive idea to take revenge on a master of revenge! This was so demolishing for me, for other women involved, that I declared never ever to touch this strategy again! Now, when I feel the tingling in my tailbone, I recognize it, recognize the Black Widow, and I run away or hold my Sword of Clarity. That is my biggest motivation - to not become someone who causes so much pain, destruction and abuse!
You also wrote in your message about a demon. That is also what I have experienced with Black Widow. They operate as if they contain a demonic part in them that ignites the moment they smell the chance to pin. It is not only emotions. It is something beyond. I do not know what to call it. My female Black Widow "friend" was once speaking with a completely different voice while asleep (a low-pitched, penetrative, sluggish voice). My ex-partner, a Black Widow, had moments when he transformed into something dark. As if another personality was coming to play. It was not just Rage. It was as if the dark dementor was in him.
From where I am standing now, it is fascinating to write about it in an explorative manner and I feel I am ready now to do this. I have healed.
Hints
These are hints for someone who has already committed to the 2-year 'cold turkey' complete abstinance Practice.
STAND TO THE SIDE
Standing directly opposite someone and facing them is the easiest position for sexual energy exchange to take place. You make it far more difficult if you stand at the other person's side, or at least at an oblique angle to them such as at 45 degrees. From this angle it is easier to speak with them without looking into their eyes.
LOOK DOWNWARDS AT THE GROUND
Looking down at the ground instead of into a person's eyes can have many meanings. For example, this was required of a slave in America to look at the ground and never at their 'master'. Looking at the ground is also the way of a Servant, or of a Sweeper (in Terry Pratchett's book Thief Of Time). Looking at the ground might suggest to others that you are feeling shame, or embarassment, but it can also be a sign of respect and deference to the other, not invading their Space with your Attention. Since looking at the ground has so many possible interpretations, it is easy to use this as a way to not look directly into someone else's eyes without causing them to be too offended.
USE YOUR SWORD OF CLARITY IN FIRST POSITION
First Position of a Possibilitator is Centered, Grounded, Bubbled, Sword Of Clarity to hand, Present in a Minimized NOW, leaving behind as much Baggage as possible. Keeping your Sword Of Clarity out in front of you, directed at the other person's throat, any sexual energy pulses or bolts they send at you slide by you as if you are 'parrying' the other person's attack. A parry does not block or attack back. A parry changes a direct blow into a glancing blow that slides harmlessly off to the side of your Sword and then behind you and away. You simply stand with your Sword Of Clarity out before you towards the others and whatever is unwanted cannot invade you.
CAVITATE ARCHIARCHY SPACE FOR YOU TO LIVE IN
If you live in the default reality of the Capitalist Patriarchal Empire, men own all of the women and children as sexual objects. Sexual energy exchange is a powerful Survival Strategy in modern culture.
Since the context of the culture prevails during interpersonal interactions, taking on the Practice of abstaining from Sexual Energy Exchange forces you to battle an entire culture with billions of members and billions of Assumptions and Expectations about who you are, and how you are supposed to behave. You are fighting against the status quo, one of the most resilient and difficult-to-change substances in the Universe.
However! If you Cavitate and Inhabit the culture of Archiarchy, and you carry around the Distinctions of that Context in your Bubble Of Space as your consciously chosen Cultural Context, then the culture of Patriarchy - even if it is all around your Bubble Of Space - has zero influence on who you are being and what your appropriates or inappropriate actions should be. You are free of the Patriarchy, and also free to let go of constantly using a Survival Strategy designed to for survival in Patriarchy.
PRESS YOUR TONGUE AT THE BACK OF YOUR FRONT UPPER TEETH
Through direct exerience you can discover that by pressing the tip of your tongue up against the back side of your upper teeth, you effectively block the possibility of sexual energy exchange. Someone may be trying to do it with you - even through advertisements and media - but it won't work. This practice can give you an excellent sense of power. Using this technique, you can avoid being the victim of automatically exchanging sexual energy with anyone who tries to do it with you. Now you are free of that.
SPIN YOUR ENERGETIC BODY
If you do not slowly Spin Your Energetic Body, then energetic blobs and 'thoughtforms' accumulate on your Being and you bear the burden of carrying them, using up your life energy pointlessly, unless your 'point' is to try to make other people like you or feel good about you because you carry their projections around on you? By slowly Spinning Your Energetic Body around like a cylinder, the sexual energy thoughtforms, stories, projections, jealousies, curses, envy, etc. will slide right past you leaving you free of being a target for them.
USE THE PURPOSE OF APPRECIATION ANOTHER PERSON'S QUALITIES OF BEING
The usual Purpose during interactions between female and male is to get something, to take something, to consume something. "Ha-hah! I stole something tasty!" your Gremlin says with glee. "How can I get my next snack?"
An entirely different orientation to interactions is possible. Instead of trying to get something or take something, you can offer the Possibility of simple Appreciation with zero sexual energy insinuations or spin attached.
GLANCE AT THEIR FACE FOR NO MORE THAN 1/4 OF A SECOND SO THEY SEE YOU ARE NOT TOTALLY DISRESPECTING THEM BUT THERE IS NOT ENOUGH TIME FOR SEXUAL ENERGY EXCHANGE TO OCCUR (1/2 SECOND)
READ THE BOOKS AND DO ALL OF THE S.P.A.R.K. AND WEBSITE EXPERIMENTS TO BUILD NEW MATRIX
S.P.A.R.K. 176: If you use sexual energy in your defense strategy you do not get to be yourself.
WEBSITES:
alifeofpractice.mystrikingly.com
ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO EVEN GLANCE AT PORNOGRAPHY
Pornographic images online or in magazines, videos, or video games leave scars on your Being. These scars never go away. You have probably already been scarred, so you know what I am talking about. Porn is not 'bad' or 'evil'. It simply leaves scars on your being and disrupts sensitive neural patterns in your brain so they don't function anymore. Even one glance is enough to leave a scar.
Book Recommendations
Silently Seduced (revised and updated) by Kenneth Adams:
When a parent singles out a child for special privileges and attention, that child is often unaware that the relationship is unhealthy--even incestuous. As adults, these children struggle to feel validated, because while they have not been directly abused, they feel a sense of violation and crossed boundaries--usually done in the name of 'love' and 'caring.' The parent's love feels more confining than freeing, more demanding than giving, more intrusive than nurturing. Yet these children suffer from what psychologist Kenneth Adams calls 'The Silent Seduction'- because there is nothing loving or caring about a close parent-child relationship that services the needs of the parent rather
than the child.In this revised and updated 20th anniversary edition of his groundbreaking book Silently Seduced, Dr. Adams explains how 'feeling close, ' especially with the opposite-sex parent, is not the source of comfort the image suggests, especially when that child is cheated out of a childhood by being a parent's surrogate partner. He offers a framework to understand this covert incest and its effect on sexuality, intimacy, and relationships, and how victims can begin the process of recovery.
Conscious Feelings (revised edition) by Clinton Callahan:
The revised edition of Conscious Feelings contains an expanded section about the White Widow Survival Strategy, where it comes from, how to face it, how to feel what is behind the reasons you adopted these behaviors, and experiments to try that move you into a different relationship with other people in the world.
We highly recommend doing all the experiments in this book because each one builds new matrix in your Being for the Free and Natural Adult Egostate, which is your birthright home. Using any kind of Survival Strategy keeps you in 'survival mode', far away from authentically living, communicating, being, and relating. The quality-of-life differences being reported by people who have learned to consciously Inner Navigate and communicate with the intelligence and energy of their Feelings and Emotions leads us to refer to this book as a 'game changer', especially seeing that when women consciously rage together, the result is they create and move into next culture - Archiarchy.
First Position For Someone Exiting Their White Widow Survival Strategy:
Here is an energetic diagram of an initiated Archiarchal Woman's first, ongoing, and only, position. The same dynamic practices apply to men. First Position is a new beginning for Radical Relating as an Initiated Free And Natural Adult. Details to Notice in this diagram include:
Uninitiated 'man':
Ordinary Patriarchal new-age man has one goal in mind: his own orgasm. Unconsciously he tries to invade the woman's space with his sexual energy, seduce her, take possession of her, invade her, control her, turn her to his will, and use her to have his orgasm. If she refuses in any step of his plan, he abuses her psychologically, emotionally, and physically, even if he packages his communication in the twisted form that she is abusing him, scaring him, abandonning him, not taking his needs into consideration. He acts 'hurt', 'wounded', 'needy', and 'scared'.
The Initiated Archiarchal Woman lives in Possibilitator First Position, which includes:
- Being Centered (Having her Energetic Center on her Physical Center).
- Being Grounded (Declaring a Grounding Cord between her Center and the center of the Earth. This is her two-way connection with Gaia.)
- Being Bubbled (Declaring her Energetic Bubble of her own personal Space. The Bubble functions as a Fence rather than a Wall because it set a Boundary through which she can relate. Her Bubble is an Energetic Distinction that says, "Inside this Bubble is my Space. Outside this Bubble is everyone else's Space." )
- Keeping her energetic Sword Of Clarity to hand, pointed at the 'man's' throat. If the man approaches her, he merely kills himself. She need not do anything more.
- Rotating slowly her Energetic Bubble so that any energetic projections, assumptions, conclusions, judgments, or resentments from others simply roll past her and away. She does not need to use extra energy to confront or repel such energetic litter from others.
- Paying Attention to her Attention so she is aware of what she is aware of, and lives in the Waking State.
- Keeping her NOW small enough to fit through the gaps between moments, she lives in a Minimized NOW which is too small for Stories. Stories exist in time. In NOW, there is no time, so there are no Stories. This keeps the Woman closely connected to Reality where she has Agency.
- Scanning with these attentions, the Archiarchal Woman makes Being-To-Being connections with whomever she will, as a Free And Natural Adult. She makes Proposals and Says What She Wants, ongoingly Negotiating Intimacy in 5 Bodies.
White Widow Experiments
Owning Your White Widow:
If you do not own your survival strategy, your survival strategy owns you.
No one can change this for you. No one can stop you from changing this.
You get to choose.
It is your life, after all, your relationships, your capacity to love and be loved, your level of intimacy and authenticity.
IDENTIFY YOURSELF AS A WHITE WIDOW
Matrix Code WHITEWID.01
If you want to own your Survival Strategy, start by admitting to yourself the horror and the pain of what you are doing to yourself and your relationships through being a White Widow.
Write down in your Beep! Book the details of exactly how, why, when, and with whom your Gremlin exchanges sexual energy. How it thrives on destroying adult intimacy by flirting and smiling and being 'nice' while eating up the sexual energy of the other person.
Go through any and all Emotional Healing Processes (EHP) needed to find out when you started using the White Widow Survival Strategy. Who did you start this with? What was happening when you started this?
Explain in excruciating detail to your friends and family what being a White Widow means and how it works.
After researching for at least 3 months, please register Matrix Code WHITEWID.01 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 3 Matrix Points.
IMMEDIATELY STOP ALL INTERACTIONS WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX
Matrix Code WHITEWID.02
For a period of 1-2 years, stop all intimate interactions with people of the opposite sex as you. Yes, all of them. There is no way around this 'cold turkey' period of abstinance.
This means:
- not looking into people's eyes (especially people of the opposite sex)
- no flirting
- no sexual jokes
- no physical touch
- not standing directly across from them
- no psychic sex (read painfully slowly the section about Psychic Sex)
and so on.
This is difficult because in a short time you will notice your addiction to your automatic sexual energy enmeshment and control behaviours. It helps to write them down as precisely as you can, and admit them each week in your Possibility Team.
Be clear about the practices that you are doing as part of this experiment. Write down the intimate interactions that you are refraining from doing. Every White Widow experiment is different.
WARNING: Do not let your Gremlin use the White Widow experiment described above as food. Your Underworld is not bad or wrong. Everybody has a Survival Strategy or they would not have survived their childhood and adolescence. This means everbody has an Underworld. Underworld is Underworld.
The intensity of enmeshment is NOT the intensity of authentic Being to Being connection. As a White Widow, you are used to the intensity of sexual energy exchange, enmeshment, giving your center away, and so on. You get into people's space, you let people into your space and your Gremlin loves it. This kind of intimacy reaches a particularly high level of intensity. We see it with Romeo and Juliet: this is what Modern Culture depicts as intimacy. It is insane.
Once you start the 'White Widow Experiment' for 1-2 years and stop all sexual energy exchanges, you will enter a Gap of Boring. This is the Gap between the intensity of enmeshment and the intensity of adult intimacy. You are healing from the damages of not having integrity in your energetic body. During this period of time called the Gap of Boring, your Gremlin will find all sorts of clever ways to turn this experiment into a feeding frenzy.
For example: your Gremlin can use this experiment as an excuse to isolate yourself from people around you. It can cut you off from your sexual energy, instead of circulating it in all 5 bodies. Gremlin might make this experiment into a rule so that you feel guilty when you speak to a person of the opposite sex during this experiment, even if only for logistics.
The Gap of Boring can last for 3 to 12 months. During this time, it is important that you have clarity about which intimate interactions you are refraining from doing, and which replacement practices you are engaging in. These practices will be different for each person. It is important to have clarity about your Gremlin, what it is doing, and to give it entertaining jobs to do to help you on your Path of evolutio. Otherwise, your Gremlin will lash out and the experiment will not go anywhere. It could help you to simultaneously engage in Gremlin Transformation.
After abstaining for at least 13 full months, please register Matrix Code WHITEWID.02 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 108 Matrix Points.
ENGAGE IN THE COMPLETE GREMLIN TRANSFORMATION PROGRAM AS PART OF SHIFTING OUT OF THE WHITE WIDOW SURVIVAL STRATEGY
Matrix Code WHITEWID.03
When entering the Gremlin Transformation, announce publicly that one of your purposes during your Gremlin Transformation journey is to shift out of the White Widow survival.
List at least 10 Gremlin foods that are relevant to your White Widow Survival Strategy as part of the 50 Gremlin foods list.
Bring consistently White Widow Gremlin food to your Gremlin Transformation 3Cell to experience to Gremlin Fake ecstasy of that behaviour until you can access to genuine heartbreak.
After journeying as a Practioner through the complete Gremlin Transformation program for at least 13 full months, please register Matrix Code WHITEWID.03 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. For the PROOF, please write in your most recent Gremlin Transformation Spaceholder's name. This Experiment is worth 113 Matrix Points.
FIND INTIMACY IN A NEW CONTEXT BY MOVING YOUR POINT OF ORIGIN THERE
Matrix Code WHITEWID.04
This experiment is a life-long practice designed to create clarity and choice. It is not about cutting yourself off from your sexual energy, but about circulating the energy within your 5 bodies.
After you have built and stabilized in a new identity and self-experience that does not have your clever sexual energy exchange behaviours at its center, you will find that authentic intimacy is possible in an entirely new Context. This is the Context of Radical Responsibility and Living, rather than avoiding Responsibility and Survival.
Explore the Intimacy Journeyers website for more information.
Please register Matrix Code WHITEWID.04 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 18 Matrix Points.
USE YOUR EXPERIENTIAL ENERGETIC AWARENESS IN THE SERVICE OF OTHERS
Matrix Code WHITEWID.05
By identifying yourself as a White Widow, stopping all intimate interaction and finding intimacy in a new context, you will wake up to the inconceivable amount of creative energy that you have for your projects.
After A WHILE, you might notice that you still retain the subtle energy-awareness talents you developed to become a White Widow. This energetic awareness is there as a tool that you can use consciously for enjoyment and pleasures, and probably also as part of your skillset needed to deliver the healing and transformational services of your Archetypal Lineage.
It is up to you to discover what that looks like.
Please register Matrix Code WHITEWID.04 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 21 Matrix Points.
NOTICE WHEN SOMEONE IS TRYING TO GET INTO YOUR BUBBLE OF SPACE FOR WHATEVER PURPOSE
Matrix Code: WHITEWID.06
Everyone has their own personal energy. Almost no one is aware of how they use their personal energy and for what purpose.
Declaring your personal Bubble of space gives you the possibility of circulating your own personal energy in your space for a Conscious Purpose. Almost everybody else walks around without their own bubble of space, spreading their energy unconscious in other people bubble of space. This creates tons of energetic messes that most people do not notice.
A man and a woman come together, two White Widows, with no awareness of their Bubble or the other's Bubble. The male White Widow walks up close to the woman, straight into her Bubble without her noticing it or saying anything. He owns her; she feels safe. The opposite also happens: the woman walks straight into the man's Bubble, and owns him. These energetic messes manifest themselves in enmeshment and codependency. These are vampire-feeding relationships based on survival.
The purpose of this experiment is to have the experiential distinction of your Bubble.
For 3 days, pay attention to how you place yourself in other people's space, and how people try to get into your space. Notice with whom you do not have this spatial boundary. This means that you are enmeshed. Notice when you let people in without saying anything, and the sensation that arises. Write down what you discover in your Beep! Book, and immediately start working on the next experiment.
Please register Matrix Code WHITEWID.06 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 6 Matrix Points.
NOTICE WHEN YOU TRY TO GET INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S BUBBLE
Matrix Code: WHITEWID.07
Please register Matrix Code WHITEWID.07 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 6 Matrix Points.
LEARN TO SAY, "STOP!" TO UNCONSCIOUS SEXUAL ENERGY EXCHANGE OFFERS
Matrix Code: WHITEWID.08
As for any other survival strategy, if someone around you is using their Box on you or using you for Gremlin food, it is up to you to say "Stop".
One word: boundaries. And distinctions. Distinctions are more powerful than boundaries... and sometimes boundaries are necessary. Stop is a boundary. Say "stop" whenever somebody starts using their unconscious sexual energy on you, no matter if you notice it in the middle of a conversation, in the middle of the street, in the middle of a meeting or a dinner party. This is your life, your friendship, and your sanity. Consider that saying stop might be the biggest service you could do for them. They might have been waiting since they were a child to have that boundary.
When someone tries to get into your space or use sexual energy with you by flirting and smiling even if they are not glad, say: "Stop, it is enough. Your survival strategy is not working on me. I want to be friends (or partner) with you, not with your survival strategy. I want to discover your authentic self. I am not available for inauthentic connection. Thank you for listening. Talk to me when you are ready for something different."
Please register Matrix Code WHITEWID.08 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 6 Matrix Points.
BREAK HIS NOSE WITH KRAV MAGA
Matrix Code: WHITEWID.08
That is another boundary, a physical one. It applies only for women towards men. A loud voice is usually enough to wake up a woman to her action. It is proven to not be enough for a man to wake up. Prove me wrong.
When a man touches you or makes a patriarchal offer: twist one of his fingers or break his nose. It brings him straight to the present moment. Don't say anything and run.
Participate in 3x 3-hour long Krav Maga classes, preferably with a Woman instructor. You can particularly ask for how to protect yourself from man touching you.
You can keeing practicing by breaking carrots.
Please register Matrix Code WHITEWID.08 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 11 Matrix Points.
Your Box and your Gremlin will always be White Widow.
It's up to you to use it consciously.
NOTE: This website is a Bubble in the Bubble Map of the massively-multiplayer online-and-offline thoughtware-upgrade personal-transformation game called StartOver.xyz. It is a doorway to experiments that upgrade your thoughtware so you can create more possibility. Your knowledge is what you think about. Your thoughtware is what you use to think with. When you change your thoughtware, you go through a liquid state as your mind reorganizes itself. Liquid states can bring up transformational feelings and emotions. Please read this website responsibly. By upgrading your thoughtware you build matrix to hold more consciousness. No one can do this for you. No one can stop you from doing it. Our theory is that when we collectively build one million more Matrix Points we will change the morphogenetic field of the human race for the better. Reading this whole website is worth 1 Matrix Point. Doing any of the experiments earns you additional Matrix Points. Please use Matrix Code WHITEWID.00 to log your Matrix Points earned at this website on the Login Page. Thank you for playing full out!
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