Men and women, stupid and evil, the fly and the spider. Between the fly and the spider there is no contest. You have just discovered the reason for the patriarchy. We will never solve the differences between men and women. We are not supposed to. These differences are the most precious ingredients for consistently creating ecstasy.

A practical challenge these days is for Archetypal Man and Woman to establish relationship cultures that are independent of the dominant Western patriarchal culture. Men in Archetypal Men’s culture would be encouraged to hold space for his Extraordinary Relationship and for his Archetypal Relationship. His ability to pay finer and more disciplined attention would feed his hungry senses in experiential reality, and his increased ability to be Nothing, and still create, would provide him with a livelihood outside of stifling hierarchies. Archetypal Woman would be encouraged to make use of her vast resources of perception and intuition to heal her competitive regard for other women, and build a women’s culture that is rich and dynamic enough to be more interesting than a Macy’s catalog. (Think how solidly women’s unconsciously spent Archetypal Feminine resources support the patriarchy. Think how quickly patriarchal structures would crumble if they were suddenly unsupported by the time, energy and money of a majority of women. When women behave like unconscious predictable consumers is it any wonder they are milked like cows?)

By doing their Extraordinary-Archetypal double space-holding Man could sustain an Archetypal Relationship context even while living in Ordinary Western culture with his Extraordinary Relationship. He would not have to retreat to some cave or monastery to do Archetypal Relationship experiments. Through relying on the coaching and support of his actively experimenting fellows, a man’s intimacy Edgework Experiments could turn out to be more interesting than football, films and fast cars.

By reclaiming true sisterhood Woman could rejuvenate her Archetypal abilities to heal, teach, and lead groups of people through steps in their own personal development. Her ministrations would reach beyond the defined borders of Western cultures to connect with Archetypal Women in cultures around the world. The sharing would be reciprocal and through sane and practical exchanges Western culture would evolve towards sustainability.

Holding double space as a Man, and embodying matriarchal realities as a Woman would not happen by force but rather as a result of clarity. Clarity is a higher technology than making forceful boundaries – uses less energy, creates more sustainable results. Through clearly observing what is really going on in Western culture as viewed from the Archetypal perspective, changes in behavior and relationship would result.

The first step of both men and women is to observe our cultural distortions from the perspective of Archetypal Relationship rather than looking at Archetypal Relationship from the Ordinary perspective of our cultural distortions.

Men like one big thing.

Women like a lot of little things.

The examples that follow are gross generalizations, but they indicate an underlying pattern: Men can find complete satisfaction with a mobile phone, a nice computer and their Mercedes. Women might find those items completely unfulfilling and are far more satisfied shopping for cupboards full of kitchen appliances, a house decorated with curtains and wallpaper, and vacations to interesting parts of the world.

The point is that these preferences are Archetypal, not neurotic, and can be relied on as a rich source of pleasure, sharing and appreciation. To make Archetypal use of the contrast in preferences, learn a different way to relate to them.

Men like one big thing and it is not a problem because men can learn to wait a long time before they get their one big thing. (In case you haven’t figured it out yet, this “one big thing – many little things” metaphor relates especially well to sexuality and foreplay. Now read the last sentence again.) In the meantime, a man can dearly long for his one big thing and that longing can itself become physically ecstatic. If a man gets his one big thing his ecstasy of longing is instantly replaced by a deadness. (In fact a French phrase for orgasm is “la petite mort” or “the little death.”)

In contrast to men, women like a lot of little things.

Ordinary Woman focuses on hoping to receive a lot of little things. When she does not get them she generates the viewpoint that she is a victim with a good excuse to feed her hungry Gremlin with revenge against that one whom she expected should have given her the many little things. Archetypal Woman focuses on giving a lot of little things instead of receiving a lot of little things. In the course of delivering a lot of little things (caresses, truths, kisses, sounds, giggles, jokes, nips) there are still a lot of little things happening for the delight of the woman. Giving can be even better than receiving, especially if the man’s experience of the many little things is ecstatically intensified by his longing for his one big thing.

Rather than trying to solve the apparent conflicts between men and women, consider learning French: Vive la différence!

Women enter Archetypal domains through becoming 10% masculine, such as through learning to simply take action rather than discussing all the details first, answering questions with clear yes or no decisions, making boundaries easefully and without hesitation, asking for what she needs, not giving her center away and being adaptively nice, staying unhookable, and so on.

Men enter Archetypal domains through becoming 90% feminine, such as through setting aside fear-based domination and instead seeking understanding and relationship, learning to be open and receptive instead of automatically competitive, enrobing communications in acceptance, appreciation, flexibility, and sensuality instead of the cold, hard facts, being in contact when an internal struggle arises instead of withdrawing, and so on.

Of the two prerequisites it is more difficult for a woman to become 10% Man than it is for a man to become 90% Woman.

Why? It could be that it is easier to make Everything (Sometime) out of Nothing than to make Nothing out of Everything

Archetypal Relationship ongoing 5-Body Intimacy Negotiations.

Intimacy has two dimensions: to be in the same time together, and to be in the same place together.

Being in the same time as your partner implies a mutual, although perhaps unspoken, agreement as to how “big” the time of now is. Does intimacy include stories from years past, days past, or only seconds past? Does intimacy include fantasies of possible futures? Does intimacy include television, newspaper, gossip, or alcohol?

Being in the same place together means presence. When you are together who or what is present there? Does intimacy include other friends, relatives, work colleagues, old partners? None of these qualifiers about time and place are right or wrong. But if there is conscious or unconscious disagreement about the time or place aspects of intimacy, then probably intimacy itself will be seldom experienced.
Being in the same time also means being in the same speed through time together. The Masculine and Feminine have different relationships to the speed of time, for example, how long is a “while” in the hardware store vs. how long is a “while” in bed together on Sunday morning. The ratio between doing and being influences how fast time goes by in a particular space.

Being in the same place together means contact. Contact means seeing into the other person. Seeing into one another means caring enough to perceive the inner workings of the other with acceptance (without judgment, without being offended) and having the courage to honestly reveal yourself to your partner so they can see into you without you being afraid of attack or betrayal. It tends to be far more difficult for the Man to let himself be seen, because he is Nothing. Imagine in our culture what it must be like for a man to be Nothing, compared to the Feminine – who could share forever and never scratch the surface of all there is to share about –because she is Everything.

When the Masculine and Feminine are sharing, Archetypal Woman takes care to avoid filling up all the time and space with her sharing. Otherwise, she will think that her Man does not share, when in fact it is only a result of her filling up all the available sharing space.

There is no room for the Man to share!
Woman learns to wait silently for her Man to share, and appreciates what he does share, knowing that in sharing he takes a huge risk.

Human men are focused on fixing problems and want to know what to do in order to be in Archetypal Relationship.

Archetypal Woman knows that there is nothing to do in order to be in Archetypal Relationship.

Being requires no doing.

Archetypal Woman demonstrates to her Man that he already has the Nothing required to be in Archetypal Relationship.

He does not have to do anything or go anywhere to come up with Nothing.

This can be extremely difficult for men to understand and come to trust.

If a woman finds it difficult to believe how troublesome it is for a man to understand that there is “nothing to do to be,” she is no longer in the Archetypal.

She is hooked into Ordinary.

Men do not know about Archetypal Relationship.

Ordinary women do not know about Archetypal Relationship either.

When a man holds space for his woman and places his attention on his woman she shifts from human woman to Archetypal Woman and suddenly she remembers about Archetypal Relationship. As soon as she shifts to Archetypal, the Woman remembers the way to the Center of the Great Labyrinth of Spaces. She can then navigate the two of them into intimacy and teach her Man about Archetypal Relationship, while they explore the Great Labyrinth together.

It is Woman’s job to teach Man about Archetypal Relationship.

Men can learn these things; they just need to be properly rewarded.