Ecstatically negotiating 5-body intimacies emerges from your irreducible self-respect, from keeping your Sword Of Clarity to hand distinguishing your boundaries, from developing the ability to say what is alive in you, and from proposing experiments to make life more wonderful together.
- Clinton Callahan
How To Speak With Strangers
There aren't any strangers...
Worktalk: Creating And Negotiating Intimacy in Archiarchy
with Vera Franco and Meredith Witt
Women in Patriarchy are taught that physical safety, intimacy and love will come if they give their power and authority to men. That if they manipulate and control their bodies, if they wear beautiful clothes and eat at fine dining restaurants, or if they get swept away by the sexy man at a hotel bar, they will be loved. And once they have love, they need to be young, sexy, luscious but athletic, un-needing, and available, so that their partners don’t leave.
Women learn to completely suppress and then ignore their real wants. They instead have a ‘near-life’ experience inside a myriad of fantasy worlds. These fantasies entertain their surviving mind and keep their heart from actually experiencing authentic relating and love.
Relating is a field where ongoing groundless creation of ecstatic intimacy can happen. Adult and Archetypal relating happens in reality. Creating and Navigating the space to where Intimacy is possible requires transformation, healing, and practice.
This worktalk is about being in the Gap of all your constructs and sourcing love from your adult ego state navigator. To discover how to move from the source of the authentic wants of your Being. Going beyond the fantasy of what life should be like and into the groundless, vulnerable present.
Creating and Navigating Intimacy is an ongoing, moment-to-moment co-creation and collaboration, a dance of constant discovery and invention.
What do you really want? How do you really want to relate outside of Patriarchy? And how can you hold space and navigate in such a way that Intimacy and Love happen?
We invite you Women, to explore the territory of sourcing the space of Archan Relating and Intimacy.
Negotiating During Tough Times
PS. It is always tough times...
COLLABORATIVE NEGOTIATING
There are a lot of assumptions/expectations about what collaboration, communication, and teamwork means.
This needs to be clearer because assumptions/expectations are underworld weapons that block intimacy and collaboration.
For responsible intimacy negotiation to happen in any group, each individual gets clear first on what they want with another team member, and takes responsibility for asking for this to happen, and negotiate (with yes, and). This happens on an individual level, especially as more projects start happening. Meaning that if there is a project going on and I want to know some info about it, I am the one taking responsibility to ask for it, it is not assumed that whoever is in the project is going to be serving out information.
For this to happen, emotional reactivity and unconscious gremlin needs to be dealt with. If you have a emotional reactivity about how intimacy is happening, taking responsibility in a team means to please ask for an EHP with someone experienced, or for mediation, and after that negotiate what you actually want from your real interest in collaboration and not from your reaction.
Different Archetypal Lineages with different 'interests' are collaborating. This causes conflict. This is appropriate. Conflict is opportunity for intimacy/collaboration.
Saying what you want is vulnerable and also an opportunity for intimacy/collaboration.Every person has Parts. Each time you say what you want you have a chance to reflect on which 'you' is doing the wanting.
Each time you dare to say what you want, you get feedback. The feedback comes in the form of how different people respond to what you say.
- Some people say, "Yes."
- Some people say, "Yes, and..."
- Some people say, "No."
- Some people say, "No, and..."
- Some people are too afraid to actually say anything. Be careful not to assume that whatever fear is stopping them from saying anything is a fear about what you want. It could simply be their fear of saying what they want about what you want.
And all the while, you can stay in the clearing of knowing that the answers you receive from other people are coming directly out of their various Parts.
Are they aware of which Part is speaking through them at that moment?
In all of this potential mess, it is truly a glimpse of clarity if you Consistently Practice saying what you want, without expecting that you will get what you want simply because you are clear about what you want.
There are always new Possibilities that might be offered to you that provide you with something that you might want even more than what you originally were aware of and spoke out about what you want.
This is what makes Collaborative Negotiating such a worthwhile and precious and rewarding set of skills to bring to life in your Teams and relationships. Collaborative Negotiating calls forth so much more of the full potential of group intelligence and energy.
Fresh, unexpected, previously invisible Nonlinear and Unreasonable Possibilities pour abundantly into view through calling forth the conscious use of each person's Gremlin to simultaneously meet all of the wants and needs of everyone involved. Having this AND that is so much more rewarding than the maintaining the scarcity view of negotiating to have this OR that.
Collaborative Negotiating releases group creation power so that you do not have to starve any of your 5 Bodies!
Ongoing collaborative intimacy is indeed High Level Fun!
Clearing up Resentment and cleaning up the Poop On The Table can be the start of a very fine day. Do it regularly.
Intimacy Journeyer Hints
...an excerpt from the forthcoming book: Naked Without A Plan
20 HINTS FOR NEGOTIATING
5-BODY INTIMACIES
Negotiating 5-Body Intimacies is a Winning Happening game because there are no winners or losers. The game is infinite because is it played for the purpose of keeping the game going. Here are some practical hints for giving 5-body intimacy journeys more dynamism and fulfillment.
HINT 1: Intimacy is negotiated when you make proposals or offers and the other person decides either to go along with you, or responds with a “Yes, and…”, and offers new and upscaled proposals and offers. Practice being a ‘yes’ and responding with “Yes, and…”
HINT 2: Unconscious intimacy negotiations happen very quickly. To make them conscious decrease the speed of your negotiations 100 times slower.
HINT 3: Make no assumptions. Inquire into all motivations. Make the time and space and interest to look into the dark places. Exploring the unconsciousness shadows takes courage. Find the courage. Move gently but deliberately. There is so much to see and learn about.
HINT 4: Radically trust your speaking before you think so that the mind does not get to do all the speaking. When you speak before you think it may feel strange at first because your mind does not know what you will say next. This makes life less boring. When you let other bodies speak besides your intellect they use a different pace and a different vocabulary to negotiate for their wishes and needs. By doing this you take the risk to reveal with radical honesty your actual inner conditions. Particularly let something else speak besides your mind.
HINT 5: Pause. Stay in ‘pause’ mode. Check in with yourself to accurately notice what you want, what your limits are, what each of your bodies is inspired to give or hungry to receive. It need not be a 90% intense desperate need before you fulfill it. You have many 7% intense wishes that you could generously care for.
HINT 6: Do not make fake proposals. Be sincerely committed to your offers. Not long ago I made an offer to a woman, “Let’s go to Bali for a month together.” She said, “Okay.” So we went to Bali for a month together. Make extraordinary offers, and then if they are accepted, make them come true. This makes life extraordinary.
HINT 7: When you make an offer and it is rejected, learn to energetically and emotionally accept a “No” as fully and gently as a “Yes”, understanding that knowing accurately what a person truly wants and truly does not want is intimacy. Once a “No” is fully and respectfully accepted as a boundary and a decision, it is completed, and a new situation emerges in which something completely different can emerge.
HINT 8: When you make an offer, do the work to be very clear in yourself about what in you is doing the ‘wanting.’ (A small personal feedback and coaching team can be very useful for this.) The wanting in you might come from your mother, a religion, society, a fantasy world, your Box, your Gremlin, your habits, your assumptions, etc. It is remarkably unsatisfying to fulfil the wants of others assuming that they are yours.
HINT 9: Navigating to the PRESENT includes navigating to a small NOW and a small HERE, as well as a small YOU. A small YOU leaves behind childhood emotional baggage and assumed obligations from external authorities.
HINT 10: Investigate your current circumstances in the tiniest detail together. Navigate to consent in CURRENT reality before making any additional moves. Magic is created in the present by making use of the tiniest insignificant details of current reality.
HINT 11: Doing what someone does not truly want you to do (such as expressing your opinion when another person does not want to hear it) is rape. When someone is raped they must shut down from you and protect themselves from you. Intimacy after any form of rape is nearly impossible. Rebuilding trustworthiness includes taking apart resentment (which feels like dying) and rebuilding a completely new foundation for connection.
HINT 12: The space determines what is possible. If something is not possible in one space, then use nonlinear questions to navigate to another space in which something else is possible. In the Great Labyrinth of Spaces, every space is connected to every other space. This means you can get to anywhere from here.
HINT 13: Woman is a gateway. She is not just a body with a smile and smooth skin. A woman is a gateway to the archetypal feminine, the healing place for men. The archetypal does not become visible or accessible except through the adult state where you are yourself and have your own feelings and your own voice in the present. If you approach intimacy from the scared, needy, adaptive child state, or the manipulative critical or praising parent state, or the Gremlin state, the gateway to the archetypal feminine will not open. Learn to establish your creations in the adult state.
HINT 14: By placing your attention on your attention and telling another person what you aware of that you are aware of, you enter the waking state. The waking state is a meta-awareness, where you perceive more possibilities from softer eyes and deeper understanding and presence. The waking state is also useful for splitting your attention in multiple directions and managing your split attentions more deftly.
HINT 15: An adult woman wakes up when an adult man puts his undivided attention on her. A woman wants to wake up because when she is awake she experiences more life, more power, more wonder, and more magic. This is why what a woman wants is a man’s attention. If the man’s attention wanders then the space of intimacy is lost. An intimate space does not arise by itself. It arises out of intention. Use your intention to navigate your attention. Women wake up when they are seen. Men wake up when they are heard.
HINT 16: Intimacy does not arise from trusting another person. Intimacy arises through learning to trust yourself to do whatever it takes to take care of yourself around other people. This may involve learning to make effective boundaries by saying “No!” and “Stop!”, becoming less naïve, learning to experience and express your own feelings, differentiating your feelings from your emotions, exploring your Gremlin’s underworld, your shadow purposes, your hidden competing commitments, and learning to make effective distinctions. Distinctions are more powerful than boundaries. Being more intimate with yourself makes it possible to be more effectively intimate with others.
HINT 17: The more committed you are to giving treasures away the more treasures the Universe gives you. But how can you commit to using a treasure when you can’t know beforehand what the treasure might be? If you were the Universe would you open your treasures to someone who was not already committed to using them well? No way! Getting access to the treasures of intimacy requires committing to giving the treasures away before you know how to do it.
HINT 18: Not everyone is happy all the time. There are four feelings, and often mixed emotions. How should you handle being intimate if you or the other person are feeling despair, hopelessness, jealousy, shame, anger, grief, etc.? This may not be a pretty sight, but it is what is in the moment. The key to intimacy is accepting and fully being present with what is so without judgement, without attaching interpretations or making assumptions or coming to conclusions. Can you also appreciate and be grateful for neutrally connecting with these scary or unpleasant manifestations as true intimacy?
HINT 19: When an egg and sperm come together you become one cell. Then you divide, and divide again. The cells of your body are ongoingly experiencing radical intimacy with each other. Even when you are thinking there is no intimacy, your cells are ongoingly celebrating life. Nothing is more intimate and joyful as this! Intimacies are happening throughout your body even now. Noticing them is a matter of refining your experiential distinctions.
HINT 20: (I am sure there are more hints…)Negotiating Intimacy Experiments
Experimenting is for building Matrix.
For as long as humans have been alive, the right time to build the Matrix has been NOW.
(Martina Riccarda Niklis)
ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT INTIMACY
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.01
Write 50 assumptions you have about closeness and intimacy in your BEEP!Book.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.01 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.02
Experiment with saying clearly what you want. In order to say what you want, you must know what you want. How do you know if what you are saying is really what you want?
For one week, respond to questions, suggestions, and offers immediately. Without thinking about it, without weighing it, without seeking advice or additional information. Don't let a breath go by, answer without hesitation. Don't retract your answer. It stands like a rock. Stand by your answer and bear the radical responsibility.After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.02 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
THINK ABOUT IT
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.03
Never answer questions, proposals and offers immediately for a week, but always give yourself at least 30 minutes while you weigh everything up, seek advice, compare pros and cons and play things through in your head. Don't answer until you're really sure what you want and need.
Once you've answered, stand by your choice and stand by your answer. Carry the radical responsibility and all consequences.After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.03 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
SAY YES
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.04
For one week, say Yes to every suggestion that is made to you. Say Yes without thinking and with conviction. Carry the consequences and the radical responsibility of your Yes.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.04 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
YES MAN
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.05
Watch the movie "Yes Man" starring Jim Carrey.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.05 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 3 Matrix Points.
SAY NO
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.06
For one week, say No to every suggestion that is made to you. Say your No without thinking and with conviction. Carry the consequences and the radical responsibility of your No.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.06 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
SAY YES AND...
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.07
For one week, say Yes and... to every suggestion that is made to you. This means that you accept the proposal and bring a change or addition to it. This is an entrance door to negotiating closeness and intimacy.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.07 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
SAY NO AND...
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.08
Say No and... to every suggestion made to you for a week. This means that you do not accept the proposal, but you suggest something else. This is an entrance door to negotiating closeness and intimacy.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.08 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
COMMITTING TO SOMEONE ELSES COMMITMENT
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.09
Ask other spaceholders for more information about their project. On the Telegram page Possibility Creation Village you can find countless projects and some of them might be interesting for you.
Call the spaceholder and tell them you are interested in the project and want more information. Maybe there are articles, recordings about it. Maybe there is an event planned that you would like to participate in. The spaceholder of the project is your contact for all this. Stay in touch with him/her, also in the further course of the project. Make his/her commitment yours.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.09 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
EXPERIMENT ON THE WEEKLY MARKET
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.10
Go to a weekly market and negotiate the price. Don't negotiate with the goal of paying the cheapest price, but with the goal of creating intimacy. Also try out what happens if you drive up the price. Explain to the seller that you are so excited about the quality of his peas that you would very much like to pay more.
What does your negotiation look like when you're all about making a real heart-to-heart connection? This is not a gremlin show, so keep your gremlin on a short leash.
How do you feel when someone rejects your offer / clearly states what they want / doesn't clearly state what they want / accepts your offer and comes close?After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.10 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
RUSH HOUR
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.11
Ride public transportation during rush hour. Experiment with the distance to other people who are riding:
- How close do you want to get to others?
- What distance is right for you to this and that person right now?
- What do you feel when someone touches your physical body?
- How do you breathe when things get tight?
- Which people do you find easier to make eye contact with? To those who are close or to those who are far away?After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.11 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
FALL IN LOVE WITH THE VEGETABLE SELLER
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.12
Fall in love with a person you see every day. It can be the bus driver, the fruit seller or the cashier in the supermarket. Look forward to meeting this person today in the morning, try to spend as much time with him/her as possible. Gush about his/her appearance and the special qualities that excite you, the humor, the loving kindness, the clumsiness. Study the person and watch the every move. Write a love letter to the person and send flowers.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.12 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
RIDE-SHARING
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.13
Sign up for a ride-sharing service. Take a stranger with you in your car for a longer car trip. You are the spaceholder for this space, which is clear and limited in time and space. Everything takes place inside your car and the encounter lasts until the destination is reached and your passenger gets out.
- Where do you want your passenger to sit? Make a decision and say what you want.
- Which body do you want to be in contact with?
- Which body do you not want to be in contact with?
- Do you want to talk to the person and if so about what, for how long and how far?
- Do you want to share your liver sausage bread with him?
- Do you want to play music? Is it the music you like to listen to?After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.13 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
WHEN HARRY MET SALLY
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.14
Watch the movie "When Harry met Sally".
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.14 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 3 Matrix Points.
DATING PLATFORM GAMEWORLDS
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.15
Sign up on a free dating platform. A dating platform is a huge playground for people to meet (and probably not suitable for finding a partner). And it is a gameworld that you can use to experiment. You can start experimenting when you create your profile.
- Experiment with different photos that show different aspects and roles of you.
- Experiment with the text about you, how do you present yourself in this game world? (There are computer games where you can completely create the character you take on, down to the clothes, the fitting of the sword and the color of your eyes.)
- What kind of people do you attract with that particular profile and those photos?
- How far do you want to go? Are you dating anyone? If so, negotiate where you'll meet, how you'll greet them, how long you'll meet (when to meet and how long to stay together), and what you'll do.
- Negotiate using the words "yes and" and "no and."After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.15 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
YONI EGG
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.16
Experiment with being close to your own body. Buy for yourself a Yoni Egg.
(This is only for women.)
https://www.herz-und-geist.de/yoni-ei/?p=1
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.16 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
CONTACT IMPRO
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.17
Visit a space for contact impro. There are spaces like this in almost every major city. Christine Ploschenz offers a dance room and can help you find a space for contact impro. http://christineploschenz.org
https://t.me/christineploschenz
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.17 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
WRITE BY HAND
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.18
There are people who keep coming to mind, who you keep thinking about. Write 5 of them a postcard this week. Write to the person why you think of them and how you feel.
Variation: Call someone you haven't talked to in a while every day for a week.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.18 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
ENERGETIC INTIMACY
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.19
Go through your home and collect 10 items that have been given to you by other people. Write the following things about each item in your BEEP!Book:
- What is the item and who gave it to you?
- What stories do you have about the person?
- What feeling/emotion did you have when you received the item?
- Why did you keep the item?
- Do you want to continue to keep the item?
- If yes, where is the place in your home where you want the item to be?
- If no, give the item away right now, that is, give it away right now, throw it away right now, sell it right now.After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.19 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
STREET DEMO
Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.20
Go to a street demonstration. Walk with the crowd for 30 minutes and commit yourself to their goals and demands. Shout their slogans and represent their opinions. Argue with their arguments.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.20 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
- NOTE: This website is a Bubble in the Bubble Map of the free-to-play massively-multiplayer online-and-offline thoughtware-upgrade matrix-building personal-transformation real-life adventure-game called StartOver.xyz. It is a doorway to experiments that upgrade your thoughtware so you can relocate your point of origin and create more possibility. Your knowledge is what you think about. Your thoughtware is what you use to think with. When you change your thoughtware, you go through a liquid state as your mind reorganizes itself. Liquid states can bring up transformational feelings and emotions. By upgrading your thoughtware you build matrix to hold more consciousness and leave behind a low drama life of reactivity. No one can upgrade your thoughtware for you. More interestingly, no one can stop you from upgrading your thoughtware. Our theory is that when we collectively build 1,000,000 new Matrix Points we will change the morphogenetic field of the human race for the better. Please choose responsibly to read this website. Reading this whole website is worth 1 Matrix Point. Doing any of the experiments earns you additional Matrix Points. Please use Matrix Code NEGOTIAT.00 to log your Matrix Point for reading this website on StartOver.xyz. Thank you for playing full out!
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