Metaconversation
There are clear useful ways to get unstuck. One way is to create a metaconversation.
Create Authenticity
One way to create greater authenticity for yourself, your relationship, or your organisation is to navigate into a liquid state through having a conversation about the conversation. Having a conversation about the conversation is called a 'Metaconversation'.
The way to enter a Metaconversation is to place your attention outside the limits of the original conversation, turn around and look back where you came from, and then speak from outside the conversation about what you observe happening inside the conversation.
Start speaking together about the way the speaking is happening: the tone of voice, the impulses, the word used, the purpose, the intention. Talk about how the talking is going. Change the topic of the conversation to the conversation itself. Find the purpose behind the original conversation. Developing the ability to create Metaconversations takes practice.
It takes practice because every conversation takes place within a particularly defined context. If you do not take responsibility for the context of the conversation, then the conversation takes place in the default and ordinary context, which serves Unconscious Purposes, Gremlin feeding and Low Drama.
The distinction to apply is that there is an energetic space happening within physical space. The context of a conversation is alive within a defined energetic space. The question to apply to an energetic space is: who is the spaceholder? what kind of space are they holding? what context does the conversation emerges from?The first step is the most difficult: placing your attention outside the limits of the original space of the conversation. We are so easily hypnotised into the present story that we occlude our responsible ability to extemporize alternative and perhaps more productive stories, which are possible in every circumstance. When the kids are screaming at each other, or the husband is complaining, we tend to believe the reality of their feelings, their reasons and their perceived behaviour options.
The “possibility wand” that gives you the power to go nonlinearly outside of the limits of the present conversation is a declaration that you make. The declaration is: “Something completely different from this is possible right now.” In both the ordinary and extraordinary human domains this declaration is always true. (In the Archetypal domains this declaration is not always true, but we will get to that later.)
An important factor to remember when you say “Something completely different from this is possible right now” is to make sure that you are connected with the people that are in the room with you. If you are not connected, you will go in the new space alone. However, it is completely possible that someone does not want to leave the ordinary space that you were before because their Gremlin want to get fed, they want to hook you or push buttons.
It requires a samurai’s relaxed alertness, and a pirate’s “Rules? What rules?” attitude to extend what is possible for you personally beyond any conversation limits that are proposed. A conversation limit is only an offer. You don’t have to accept that offer unconditionally. Ever.
Metaconversation Maps
Having a conversation about the conversation creates the possibility of Possibility
Having a Metaconversation lets you Ask questions that are not permitted from within the original conversation. Your extracurricular inquiry generates clarity and possibility that were not previously visible or allowed. It is the new clarity itself that initiates the liquid state.
Clearly seeing the organisational force field behind the Box’s perspective disorganises the force field. The perceptual prison is left behind and suddenly we can see from a new perspective. Starting a meta-conversation can change the purpose or the context of the original conversation into a purpose or a context that would never have otherwise been reached.
This makes meta-conversations an excellent tool for shifting ordinary human relationship into extraordinary human relationship.
Metaconversation Starters
Metaconversations are started with Metaconversation Starters.
That sounds simple enough, except that the Box has a strong bias against us having Metaconversation starters in our common vocabulary. I personally have had to make specific efforts to memorise meta-conversation starter-phrases so that they were available in the moments when they would be most useful. Without memorising them, I would have completely forgotten that meta-conversations existed.
What is astonishing is that, if you can remember to use Metaconversation starters, they do their job very well. The resultant intimacies and authenticities can be well worth the risk you take by asking such questions. Many of the meta-conversation starters listed are completely foreign to our ordinary ways of speaking.
Having a conversation about the conversation creates the possibility of possibility. This makes Metaconversations a central tool for navigating into extraordinary human relationship where possibility is abundant. The keys to being able to start a Metaconversation are:
- possessing your attention so that you can move your attention about freely;
- being centered so that you are not giving your authority away;
- going nonlinear so that you are not limited by the apparent reality barriers offered by the space of a conversation.
Metaconversations with Children
In just a few moments, having a Metaconversation with your child can create wonders that you may have already concluded could never occur. In general, children less than fifteen years old are still in the testing and formative stages of Box building. The structure of their Box is still being determined. After fifteen years of age, the Box tends to stop evolving and start crystallising, unless a person is brought through some kind of rite of passage where they become cognisant of and take responsibility for having a Box. A child has more flexible habits than an adult. When you, as an adult, initiate a conversation about the conversation with a child, the child will usually slip right into the new conditions with an easefulness that would startle most adults.
The reason adults fail to create Metaconversations with children is not that the children cannot go there with them; it is that the adults avoid functioning from the perspective that the conversation that is happening right now is not the only possible conversation that could be happening right now. We adults tend to defend the original options that our Box allows us to see, as if these were the only options that could be seen. So, when a child-adult conflict arises, the adults shift into a power struggle using physical size, physical strength, age, position, role, education, or financial status as weapons to overpower the child into submission.
Isaac Asimov used to say, “Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.” The adult’s particular incompetence in this case is the inability to 'Go Nonlinear' – that is, to not assume that the present conversation or struggle that you are having right now with your child is the only possible conversation that could be happening.
In fact, many other kinds of conversations are available, and waiting for you to enter. All that you as the adult need to do to get there is to start a meta-conversation. If you start a Metaconversation, the child will tend to join you immediately in the new world opened up by the Metaconversation.
Not only that, but the child will learn how to go nonlinear and make Metaconversations themselves in their lives. I still remember when my daughters, in their early teens, first started using Metaconversations on me and their mother to create what they really wanted for themselves instead of being trapped by the limits of what their mother and I could imagine was best for them.
The children will use this ability for the rest of their lives. An important element in successful communication with children is your ability to listen.
The adage, “Children are to be seen and not heard” runs deep in our culture. When children are not heard and are also not given boundaries to work with, they will take over spaces and do anything to get adult attention, even if all they get is negative attention.
When we make our cursory attempts to listen to children and find them speaking nonsense, we only strengthen our commitment to the adage. You can discover richness and depth in your communications with children (and with adults) when you use Metaconversations to distinguish between babble and authentic sharing.
Metaconversation & Emotional Healing Process
Metaconversations and Emotional Healing Processes go hand in hand.
On one hand you might find that there are some obstacles in the way of you creating Metaconversations spaces. It could be a Belief or a Conclusion, or any other piece of Thoughtware programmed into your Box, accompanied by Mixed Emotions and even some Energetic Blocks. You will be able to locate these obstacles when you attempt to create Metaconversations or during the Metaconversations themselves. Any of these obstacles you find are fine gateways to Emotional Healing Processes.
On another hand the Metaconversations that you find yourself in also reveal authentic Doorways to Emotional Healing Processes. If you keep your Sword of Clarity at the ready and at people's necks, your Purpose Sniffer turned on, and keep a Being-to-Being connection with the others, then your Metaconversation has the capacity to bring people to the Edge of their comfort zone and into a Liquid State. In the Liquid State their certainties and defenses are less solid, and their real beliefs, purposes, and assumptions can come to light and be transformed.
Any of the people in your Metaconversation, including you, are under the transformational power of the Metaconversation and can uncover parts that have been waiting to be healed, or seen, or heard. You can then direct your Metaconversational partners to Emotional Healing Process spaces, like the EHP Dojo, or even shift the space into a Possibility Team holding space for Emotional healing Processses for each other
Experiments
PRACTICE 3 METACONVERSATIONS STARTERS
Matrix Code METACONV.01
Conscious practice creates conscious competence.
Choose 3 of Metaconversation Starter sentences and memorise them so they are on the tip of your tongue at all times.
For the next 3 days, use your selected Metaconversation starters on chosen conversations to shift the space into a Mateconversation space. Notice what happens to the quality of the space, the quality of interaction and relating.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code METACONV.01 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
SHIFT FROM A ONE DIMENSIONAL CONVERSATION TO A METACONVERSATION
Matrix Code METACONV.02
There are conversations that keep things the same. You might get a new piece of information, but nothing really shakes your worldview or your relationship with the world. They are usually devoid of Aliveness, devoid of Conscious Fear, discomfort and Nonlinearity.
They can be conversations about the weather, about logistics, about the correct details of remembering a past experience, routine conversations that are stipulated and pre-organised that most people are not really involved in. There is nothing wrong with these kinds of conversations. And at the same time, how many weather or logistics conversations do you want in your day?
In this experience you shake the usual workings of an ordinary conversation into a new adventure.
For the next three days, every time you notice that you are in a one dimensional conversation space, immediately shift into a Metaconversation space. You may use any of the Metaconversation starters for this while staying connected to whomever you are with in the space.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code METACONV.02 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
PLACE YOUR ORDER WITH METACONVERSATION
Matrix Code METACONV.03
Do whatever it takes to order an item off the menu with a waiter / waitress using only Meta-Conversation. Doing this with your Possibility Team might be more fun.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code METACONV.03 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
SCAN FOR A CONVERSATION SPACE THAT IS OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE
Matrix Code METACONV.04
Scan for the amount of energy in your conversation.
Scan for sexual energy.Scan for abundant levels of Archetypal energy.
Scan for intensity of vulnerability.
Scan for level of conscious practice of Radical Responsibility spaces.
Scan for feminine or masculine energy.
Scan for Gremlin energy because your Gremlin is hungry.Scan for 5 conversations where you can already sense your Box freaking out.
After scanning carefully enter the space of conversation without invading it. Observe the conversation from a meta level, noticing the Purpose, the tempo, the assumptions that are operating, the silences, the moves, and the considerations behind each move.
Write on your Beep! Book what you discovered.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code METACONV.04 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
ONLY HAVE METACONVERSATIONS FOR ONE WHOLE DAY
Matrix Code METACONV.05
Choose the day of your adventure, a whole 24 hours.
During this day only have Metaconversations. You do it with the person at the shop, sitting next to you in the train or bus, at the cafe, do it with your team, friends and partners. This might make your day slower as you deepen the connection and discover more about the other person, yourself, and the space of your relating.
Write on your Beep! Book what you discovered about Purpose, Context, and Authenticity of your conversations and interactions.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code METACONV.05 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
USE ASSUMPTIONS, EXPECTATIONS, PROJECTIONS, CONCLUSIONS, PREJUDICES, ... TO BLOCK METACONVERSATIONS
Matrix Code METACONV.06
In your Possibility Team, get into groups of 3.
- One person is the Possibilitator. Their job is to continuously move the space into a Metaconversation.
- Another person does is the Blocker. Their job is to use assumptions, expectations, projections, conclusions, and prejudices to block the Metaconversation.
- The third person is the Coach. Their job is to give feedback and coaching to both the blocker and the Possibilitator, so that the Possibilitator does not get hooked, and can practice with blocks, and the Blocker can consciously practice what they usually practice unconsciouly.
The experiment goes for 10minutes with each constellation of roles. After 10 minutes, please change roles, with a new Blocker, Possibilitator, and Coach. After all 3 have gone please have a Metaconversation about each other's experience in being the Blocker, the Coach, and the Possibilitator. Then share with the whole group.
There is this context war.
Discover what the weapons of unconsciousness are in each constellation of people.
Do not allow the role of the Blocker to be taken over by Gremlin, and prevent the Blocker from realising that they use these weapons unconsciously.
Hint: If the Possibilitator gets stuck they can ask the Coach for a Prompt. If they ask for a Prompt, the Coach immediately gives the first word of a sentence, or a sentence to be used to move the conversation into a Metaconversation. Also if the Blocker is stuck, they too can ask the Coach for a Prompt.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code METACONV.06 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
USE ASSUMPTIONS, EXPECTATIONS, PROJECTIONS, CONCLUSIONS, PREJUDICES, ... AS LEVERAGE FOR METACONVERSATIONS
Matrix Code METACONV.07
For this you need to practice your scanning skills. Scan for the assumptions, expectations, projections, conclusions, and prejudices that exist in the space, in yourself, and in the other person.
Most people speak through their assumptions, conclusions and expectations. This is what makes up their filter of the world. They see the world through it, and express themselves to the world through it.
You can reverse the process initiated by a process close to an energetic archeologist or an animal tracker. You use the existing Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Energetic, and Archetypal cues or tracks to discover the pieces of Thoughtware or whole Constructs behind it.
Then you use them as leverage for Metaconversations. Staying connected to whomever is involved in the space you can put them on the table for everyone to see from all angles, and dig through to the Purpose and the Context, that actually causes them to exist.
In your Possibility Team, get into groups of 3.
- One person is the Possibilitator. Their job is to continuously move the space into a Metaconversation using the Role Player's - and their own - assumptions, expectations, projections, conclusions, and prejudices as leverage for Metaconversations.
- Another person does is the Role Player. Their job is to role play a person with assumptions, expectations, projections, conclusions, and prejudices...do you know anyone with any of of these? They can role play themselves, or someone they know, or someone from the Possibilitator's life.
- The third person is the Coach. Their job is to give feedback and coaching to the Possibilitator.
The experiment goes for 7minutes with each constellation of roles. After 10 minutes, please change roles, with a new Blocker, Possibilitator, and Coach. After all 3 have gone please have a Metaconversation about each other's experience in being the Role Player, the Coach, and the Possibilitator. Then share with the whole group.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code METACONV.07 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
MAKE A MAP OF CONVERSATIONS AND CHOOSE WHERE YOU WANT TO LIVE
Matrix Code METACONV.08
Choose 3 kinds of conversations you want to have and 3 kinds of conversations that you do not want to have.
Define a theme for each of the conversations, such as Healing and Transformation, or Silliness, Manipulation, Nonlinearity, Collaboration, Discussion, Possibility Listening, Discover Something New Together, Low Drama, Complaining Session, Persecution, Exaggeration, Making Fun Of Ourselves, Being Right/Make Wrong, Playing Low Status/High Status.
Write down the characteristics of those conversations, the elements that they must have to fit into the chosen theme, the considerations that must be part of the conversations, until you have a robust map.
Create the 6 conversations on purpose with a minimum of 10minutes per conversation, with one or more partners. Tell them the theme of the conversation that you are wanting to experiment with. After the themed conversation, change into a Metaconversation and share how it was for you and them to have this conversation.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code METACONV.08 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
FIND FAMILIAL CONVERSATIONS STYLES
Matrix Code METACONV.09
Visit your relatives for a day and only detect and write down on your Beep! Book the kind of conversation that they are having. Be specific about noticing the kind of Listening, the kind of Speaking, the Purpose behind each style, if the purpose shifts, what Bright Principles and Shadow Principles are in being served in the space of the conversation, who is the spaceholder, who is being adaptive, which Parts are they speaking from and what is the specific purpose behind using that Ego State, what is the mood of the space, how did it begin and how did the conversation end.
If anyone ask you what you are doing, then tell them you cannot tell them because you would then have a Metaconversation with them instead of having the conversation with them. Explain that Metaconversations are transformational and can cause new awareness which they would have agree to before you are willing to have a Metaconversation.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code METACONV.09 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
DRAW A POSSIBILITY CARTOON (POSSIBILITOON) TO SHOW THE CONVERSATION STYLES
Matrix Code METACONV.10
NOTE: For this Experiment please complete the previous one with Matrix Code METACONV.06 and register its Matrix Point.
After writing up the different styles of familial conversations, their purpose, their characteristics, considerations, intentions, you will have a rich map of how most ordinary conversations happen.
Write up a simple and clear script for a cartoon demonstrating the conversations styles and their purpose, what they are creating. Also draw what else is possible for the same characters involved in the conversation.
Use the resourceful group intelligence of Your Circle or your Possibility Team to illustrate and publish the Possibilitoon.
You can see an example of a Possibilitoon here.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code METACONV.10 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
USE METACONVERSATION TO SHIFT THE PURPOSE AND PROCEDURE OF A MEETING
Matrix Code METACONV.11
At a meeting at work, bring in Metaconversation questions as Bridges from the currently competitive adversarial status seeking power game to creative Collaborative and Winning Happening.
Stay in a connected and vulnerable space and do not let your Gremlin take over. Your Gremlin is there to help you do this, not do it for you.
After the meeting and not letting a lot of time pass after please call a Possibilitator or someone from your Possibility Team and ask for a Possibility Listening space where you can speak into from all of your 5 Bodies about what happened and what you discovered from the experiment.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code METACONV.11 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN JUDGEMENT AND METACONVERSATION
Matrix Code METACONV.12
The Purpose of using a rigidly held opinion to frame up or judge a situation is to keep things the same so as to stay in the current space, to be superior, flow power away from someone towards yourself, tell a Victim story so as to gain the 'right to persecute', defend your Positionality, etc. These are ways to create an ordinary conversation and Ordinary Relationship.
The purpose of having a Metaconversation is to exit the current space and enter together a different space that offers the conversation or interaction more possibilities to choose from, such as Extraordinary or Archetypal possibilities.
Judgement can be detected through the ways it is expressed, such as through complaining, blaming, praising, undermining, criticising, disapproving, approving, etc.
Experiment:
Each time this week when you detect Judgement happening, take out your Beep! Book and interview the person judging. Use genuine curiosity and do NOT let your Gremlin ask the questions. Ask the judger these 3 questions:
- What perspective do you hold that causes you to say the things you are saying? (You can also use the exact sentence they used to judge)
- What is your purpose to view what is happening through the framework that ratifies or empowers your comments?
- Please describe to me what it is like inside of you that compels you to stay within this worldview.
Write down their answers in your Beep! Book on a page titled JUDGMENT RESEARCH.
Then interview the person who is allowing themselves to be judged, and ask them the same three questions. Write their answers down in your Beep! Book also.
Compare their answers.
Interview 5 pairs of people and see if you can create some kind of theory that explains what you noticed. Write and publish an article or a public post with the results of your findings.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code METACONV.12 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
EXIT EVERY CONVERSATION THAT YOU DO NOT WANT TO HAVE THROUGH A METACONVERSATION
Matrix Code METACONV.13
This experiment requires you to first have your Conscious Anger, and your Numbness Bar low so you can sense the signal from your energetic body to your anger saying a clear 'No' message to your anger so you can use it to exit. Most people have their numbness bar higher than the level of intensity of their energetic body signal so they do not get to consciously feel their own authentic 'No', and also other people's 'Yes' or 'No'.
For the next 3 days, keep your Numbness Bar low and turn your noticing to your 'No' for staying in a conversation. As soon as you get the signal, your Conscious Anger becomes available to you to move out.
Immediately energetically step out of being inside the conversation story and start a Metaconversation. You can use the shift of spaces to speak about what you actually want to talk about, through the Metaconversation.
After the 3 days, you can choose to not leave the experiment and exit the conversations that you do not want to have.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code METACONV.13 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.
GIVE A ONE DAY WORKSHOP ABOUT HOW TO DO METACONVERSATIONS
Matrix Code METACONV.14
Being able to empower other people to use Metaconversations in their daily life is one of the most effective ways to learn to use the power of Metaconversations yourself. You (or the others) may have fears of breaking social etiquette, or that people think you are crazy, or afraid of you. Once you can support others to invent and apply metaconversation you add a dimension to human interaction that is rarely experienced. And for the type of fears above, you can ask your team to take you through an Emotional Healing Process and free up your Conscious Fear for delivering the workshop.
This Experiment is to deliver a one-day workshop where people get to:
- Understand how to make an opening to create Metaconversations.
- Practice creating Metaconversations while receiving feedback and coaching.
- Practice coaching other people to more effectively create and navigate Metaconversations.
- Explore new territories of connection, intimacy, and possibility that are opened up through engaging in Metaconversations.
After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code METACONV.13 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 3 Matrix Points.
NOTE: This website is a Bubble in the Bubble Map of the free-to-play, massively-multiplayer, online-and-offline, thoughtware-upgrade, matrix-building, personal-transformation, adventure-game called StartOver.xyz. It is a doorway to experiments that upgrade your thoughtware so you can relocate your point of origin and create more possibility. Your knowledge is what you think about. Your thoughtware is what you use to think with. When you change your thoughtware, you go through a liquid state as your mind reorganizes itself. Liquid states can bring up transformational feelings and emotions. By upgrading your thoughtware you build matrix to hold more consciousness and leave behind a low drama life of reactivity. No one can upgrade your thoughtware for you. More interestingly, no one can stop you from upgrading your thoughtware. Our theory is that when we collectively build 1,000,000 new Matrix Points we will change the morphogenetic field of the human race for the better. Please choose responsibly to read this website. Reading this whole website is worth 1 Matrix Point. Doing any of the experiments earns you additional Matrix Points. Please use Matrix Code METACONV.00 to log your Matrix Point for reading this website on StartOver.xyz. Thank you for playing full out!
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