The Feelings Form

From Anne-Chloé's article: https://annechloe.substack.com/p/your-feelings-are-for-you

Your Feelings Are For You.

Your feelings about others are not for them, they are for you.

There are many misconceptions about feelings in modern culture. They are the result of a cornerstone piece of thoughtware that holds the patriarchy together.

The outdated piece of thoughtware is: It is forbidden to feel feelings as a creation force.

One of the misconceptions is that your feelings are triggered by events outside of yourself. Therefore, in a world where feeling equals to ‘something is wrong’, you will try anything to stop, control, threaten or manipulate whatever — or whoever — you think is making you feel something.

It is as simple as someone behaves in a way that you do not like. What do you feel? Maybe anger, maybe fear or sadness. Because you have not learn to navigate the clarity of your conscious feelings, you transform your anger into irritation or resentment. You hide your disappointment in smiles and fake niceties. Your smother your sadness by separating yourself from the said person, withdrawing your love and attention, maybe even gossiping about them to others. You turn your fear into self-doubt or distrust, validating your conclusion that ‘you cannot rely on anyone’. These types of interaction are as common in personal relationships as in professional ones. Your reactionary choice happens in a split second. Humans are animals and we react with extreme speed for survival purposes.

The behaviors that suppress your feelings are part of your underworld arsenal. In the moment, you are unaware of your reaction because you do not experience the pain of the consequences of your survival imperative.

In Archiarchy, we refer to those reaction patterns as Gremlin technology because they are executed by the part of you — your Gremlin — that is dedicated to surviving no matter the cost. Because you are numb, you do not notice that you are sacrificing love, intimacy, connection, creation, empowerment, or evolution in order to simply not feel what you are feeling.

When you use Gremlin technology, you separate yourself from your authentic wish for creation. In other words, how you show up in the world is further away from who you are.

It is when the cost of suppressing your feelings is higher than its benefits that it will be worth it to you to find another path. What could tip the balance is a burning desire to find out who you really are.

Here is a possibility for something new. A possibility, for which credit is due to Vera Luísa Franco. While she had been working with a community is New York, members kept complaining about other people’s behavior oblivious to the fact that their feelings were giving them the exact intelligence and energy needed to ask for what they wanted in each particular connection. As they ignore their feelings, they created resentment.

Your Gremlin behaviors are not bad, they are signals. They inform you that, because you did not make use of the clarity of your feelings, you handed them over to your Gremlin. They are an alarm that say ‘I did not take care for myself so I gave the job of protecting me to my Gremlin.’

When you give your feelings to your Gremlin — after which they become emotions — you live in the assumption that other people should change on account of your feelings.

You feel feelings about people and things. But those feelings are not for those people, they are for you.

The fact that you have feelings is the indicator that something that you care about needs to change.

The necessary change happens first in you. By using the inner resources of your feelings to take new actions instead of numbing them, you become more yourself. The shape of your being changes as you act in integrity with yourself. The sensation of being in integrity with yourself is that of relief or even ecstasy. We call it the Ecstasy of Integrity. Such relief happen even when you feel high intensity anger, sadness, fear or joy.

You feel joy because you increase your own authority to be yourself, and therefore to create. That is why, as an authentically initiated adult, you feel glad to feel your feelings. Every time you feel anger, sadness, fear and joy, you have the opportunity to inhabit more of yourself in the world.

Your feelings first transforms you into a person who can impact the people and the world around you.

Your feelings provide you with three different resources for the change.

The information about what needs to change;

The energy needed to create the change;

The specific actions of creating the change.

This means your feelings of anger, sadness, fear and joy give you the resources necessary to create.

Feelings are a creation resource!

For example, conscious fear is the resource to notice what is missing while conscious anger is the resource to build what is missing. Conscious anger is the resource to make proposals, and conscious fear is the resource to negotiate with others about their counter-proposals. Conscious sadness is the resources to let go of the discarded proposals. Conscious fear is the resource to invent what your conscious sadness is telling you you are longing for. Conscious fear is the resource to navigate the unknown while conscious joy is the resource to delight in the new discoveries from the unknown. Conscious sadness is the resource to become more vulnerable to nurture connection, while conscious joy is the resource of relief when you are in integrity with yourself in connection.

As you can see, your feelings are like an orchestra, collaborating together for a fully alive experience of creation. You are the conductor, using the intelligence and resources of your feelings to create the symphony of your life.

In the beginning, your feelings might not reveal themselves with impeccable clarity. After some experimentation, Possibilitators have discovered a form that empowers you distill the information, the energy, and the actions from your feelings.

The form is to say out loud to someone, “I feel (angry, sad, scared or glad) because… so I (action).”

That is the form.

If you say, “I feel (angry, sad, scared or glad) about…, that…, or of…” you are not using the form, and you will not harvest the resources of your feelings. It does not work. Or if you say, "There is some sadness...," you are not embodying your experience in the present, and again you will not receive the resource of your feelings for you.

For example, it does not work to say, “I feel scared of connecting with you.” In this case, you are expecting the other person to take some action in response to your victim offer. After such communication, you are de-resourced to create connection.

Instead, reveal the information about your fear of connection and what you are going to do about it — your action.

If you take your time to sense into your experiential experience of fear, it will provide you with its three resources. You would then say, “I feel fear because I want to be more connected to you and I don’t know how, so I ask you, will you give me three ways I can create more connection with you right now?”

What is the energy? The energy is Fear.

What is the information? The information is that you don’t know how to create more connection.

What is the action? The action is requesting from the other person three ways to create more connection with them.

There are many other actions that your fear could have provided. You could invent five experiments you want to try to create connection with that person. You could reveal five stories why you are not connected to them right now by saying, “I feel afraid of connecting with you because…” Being authentic about your inauthenticity is a powerful way to create authentic connection. You could tell them the story you made up generated by your original fear which makes you believe that you were not connected in the first place. By admitting your story, you remove it and stand vulnerable and undefended with them so that connection is happening.

When you stop forcing yourself to stay numb, you not only enhance your authority to create, you also reveal who you are and what you want in the moment.

As you let yourself be known in one of the most intimate ways, you might be surprised to find many people on your team for you to win. They can be on your team and relaxed because you are not using your feelings against them, but for yourself.

This is truly inspiring skill for sourcing Archiarchy!