Carrying a resentment is like carrying a stinking bucket full of shit rotting you from the inside out. There is no defense for this. If you have resentment, you have no dignity.

It would have been easier to share your feelings, lose face, be liquid, and look bad when your feelings were fresh. Now they old and infecting your whole system. Through your own weakness you still carry them with you. You have sacrificed intimacy in order to carry resentment. It is time to admit this.

If someone wants to be with you, what they get instead is this bucket of festering emotions. You cover it over with a show of being offended, an intellectual concept of being right. Clearing your resentment starts with letting your mask fall off and standing with both feet in your self-made bucket of emotional shit. Start with: “I don’t know…”

Your intellect is impervious to almost everything but you. Between you and life is your intellect. To get some air you can drill holes through the brick wall of your intellect by revealing confusions. By drilling enough holes the wall can crumble from the inside and life can gush in. It is not that the intellectual construct is negative or bad – it is simply false. Someone actually wants to be with you and you only offer them reasons and concepts from your mind?

That’s the great thing with relationships – there is a living human being who wants to be with the you that is alive and true, no matter what the thing you call ‘you’ knows! The living part does not fit into your intellect – it is to fluidic and volatile. Almost no part of relationship happens in the intellect. If you want closeness, learn to put your intellect aside. To do this, you need the courage to not know who you are. Again, start with: “I don’t know…”

Your mind has learned to think your feelings away. Now learn to stop doing that. Let your mind be completely overwhelmed with the swirling abundance of feelings that is present in your body. Then admit that you are so wounded that you would rather be in resentment than in vulnerable contact with another human being.

Your task is to keep going deeper and to share how that is for you. Communicate just as it is, making no sense, in full embarrassment, without explanation, without trying to package your communication to make it understandable. It does not have to be understandable. Admit defeat; crumble into the Liquid State; hit bottom and stay there without knowing how. Share your pain; unmask your mechanicality and your helplessness; permit yourself to be known.

When the other person lets in what you have revealed about your wounded state, the original communication that you had previously imprisoned behind your resentment is finally expressed, heard, and completed. The message has been received. There is no more energetic charge between the two of you. In this moment a miracle happens. What had only a few moments before seemed to be a solid conflict, mysteriously resolves itself without the actual conflict being addressed at all. This is the transformational power of awareness. Respect this moment. Notice the shift. Do not rush through it. The true cause of the conflict has been dissipated through re-establishing intimacy with ‘Caring Communication’. Often the listener says nothing at all to complete the process. The quality of being with and spacious listening are alone sufficient.