BOUNDARIES
HOW TO MAKE BOUNDARIES
a life without boundaries is a garden without a fence
any dog can come along and in a few seconds change a garden into a dog toilet
USING EMOTIONS TO MAKE BOUNDARIES
There is a difference between feelings and emotions.
Feelings are
Emotions are
If you use the stories, projections, assumptions, conclusions, prejudices, expectations, resentments, and your commitment to revenge to make boundaries you produce certain results.
For example, if you let your Child Ego State use its emotions to make a boundary, the results will be that
If you let your Parent Ego State use its emotions to make a boundary, the results will be that
If you let your Gremlin Ego State use its emotions to make a boundary, the results will be that
These are very different than if you let your Adult Ego State, or Archetypal Ego State use their feelings (not emotions) to make a boundary.
USING FEELINGS TO MAKE OR CHANGE BOUNDARIES
Sometimes the action step attached to a feeling is to make or change a boundary. Before you can make a boundary, you will first need to experience the distinction that the boundary expresses. When I first started working with distinctions I thought that distinctions occurred in my mind. I thought that if I understood or could explain a distinction then I got the distinction and other people would get it too. I also thought that if I complained loudly enough, blamed severely enough, sulked darkly enough, exploded destructively enough, or went away permanently enough, the other person would get it. Now I think differently. Now I think that a true distinction occurs simultaneously in all five bodies, not only in the intellectual body, and that a well-landed distinction does its own work, as clean, sharp and attention-commanding as a samurai’s blade.
A boundary is a distinction. Making an effective boundary is an action that takes place simultaneously in all five bodies. If the boundary is “No Gremlin feeding in our relationship,” it goes like this:- The boundary occurs in your physical body as a clear perception of unique domains, distinguishable one from the other, such as: “Low Drama Gremlin feeding creates one quality of relationship. High Drama love, respect, discovery and intimacy creates an entirely different quality of relationship. I clearly experience the difference. Stop letting your Gremlin feed on our relationship. I am not a plaything of your Gremlin.”
- The boundary occurs in your intellectual body as a communicable concept, such as: “Gremlin plays I win–you lose games that show up as power struggle, competition for attention, and I’m right–you’re wrong. Adult women and men play Winning Happening games where we creatively collaborate to serve Bright Principles. I am willing to play Winning Happening games with you and nothing else.”
- The boundary occurs in your emotional body empowered by all four feelings, such as: “If my boundary that Gremlin feeding is excluded from our relationship is not tacitly upheld, I feel angry because I want to relate with you without having to do ongoing battle your Gremlin. I feel sad because I lose something if my boundary is not upheld. I feel scared because other boundaries might also not be upheld. And I feel glad because I have clarity about the boundaries I need to navigate the kind of relationship I want with you.”
- The boundary occurs in your energetic body as a declaration of how the world is for you. In other words, it is a component of who you are as a being, such as: “This boundary actually exists. When I say, ‘No Gremlin feeding in our family,’ I mean absolutely none. I am not in any kind of doubt about this request. My energetic clarity requires neither explanation nor force of command. It is the way it is. I am the boundary. That is the boundary, and it is not my problem anymore.”
- The boundary occurs in your archetypal body as a oneness, a coherence between your stand (your stand that it is now like you say it is as if it has always been that way), and your internal and external resources such as your Stellated feelings archetypes (e.g. Queen, Warrioress, Sorceress, Lover), your Bright Principles, your Archetypal Lineage, and your radical reliance on E.C.C.O. (Earth Coincidence Control Office).
If a boundary is not simultaneously made in all of your five bodies, it will not function as a boundary. If you think that you have made a boundary and it is not functioning as a boundary (e.g., your partner keeps doing Gremlin behavior with you, your child keeps whining at you, the customer or boss keeps intruding in your space or violating your requests, you keep feeling betrayed by your friends) then this is valuable feedback for you that you are making boundaries only in theory, not in fact. Beep! Shift! Go! Start again. Don’t forget to relocate your own Point Of Origin in your next try! Become the boundary. Let it reshape who you are.
In the beginning, your Box has full control of your mind. The Box can cause you to forget anything it wants you to forget in an instant and you will not even notice that you forgot it. A boundary made from the mind is a puff of smoke in a hurricane. Where a boundary first starts becoming solid is when it spreads into your other four bodies.
When you become a boundary in all five of your bodies the other person or persons to whom the boundary applies will instantly and automatically sense it in all five of their bodies. For example, many people have reported that when they declare a personal space around their body and become the boundary, then when they walk through the shopping mall, no one bumps into them anymore. Their personal space is respected unconsciously by all the other shoppers no matter what kind of shopping frenzy they are in. A true boundary is sensed previous to words and ideas.
By the time your boundary occurs in your energetic body you have become the boundary. “Not in my house. Sneaking, flirting, lying, manipulating, whining, deceiving, Gremlin feeding, these are beneath our dignity. This does not happen here.” Once you become your boundaries, they wordlessly shape the quality of the space. They establish the context of the current gameworld and it really cannot happen there. It cannot. The space retains a shape that will not permit it.
High Drama will not support the creation or existence of a Low Drama situation without someone being at source for the Is-Glued story that creates the Low Drama situation. Who the source person is for a Low Drama becomes transparent in a High Drama space where you do not agree to fool yourself.
Along these lines, you can develop the habit of making boundaries out at the edge of your territory, before you desperately ‘need’ them, rather than waiting until the metaphorical enemy is storming your castle gates. If you wait until someone is beating down your front door before you make a boundary, it is too late. Your hesitation indicates that you have been fogging yourself about what is really going on.
Gremlin derives a payoff for procrastination. Gremlin gets to say, “It’s not fair.” “But I didn’t know.” “They are so inconsiderate.” “There is not enough time.” With each complaint, Gremlin authorizes its own license to take immediate revenge in an ordinary Low Drama.Remember, you can create High Drama. High Drama is not ordinary. High Drama is extraordinary. If you keep using your usual Gremlin behaviors you will crash out of High Drama quicker than you can say, “Oh my God! I can’t believe I just did it again.” New awarenesses unlock new behaviors
STARR - Boundaries and Holding Space for Making Boundaries
A PROFESSIONAL MAKING A FULL BOUNDARY
RAGE STICK
This woman is using a special stick and cushion to practice making boundaries with all five bodies, physical, intellectual, emotional, energetic, and archetypal. After practicing a few times, the stick transforms into an energetic Sword Of Clarity, carried everywhere as one of a Possibilitator's 13 Tools, and used to make distinctions and boundaries easefully but attentively in daily life.
Eyes open, looking straight ahead, no one in front of you or behind you, everyone going with you, shouting from deep in your guts before you know what you are going to say. This is how to practice making clear, adult boundaries.
USING DISTINCTIONS
distinctions are more powerful than boundaries
Distinctions
Distinctionary.xyz
EXPERIMENTS
Warning: experiments can deform the regular size of your box.
CONSCIOUSLY REFUSE TO MAKE BOUNDARIES
Matrix Code BOUNDARI.01
Since a boundary is made through making a decision, it may seem to you that making no boundary is making no decisions. For this three-day experiment that would be true. The (only) rules are: Do not hurt yourself. Do not hurt anybody else. Do not get arrested.
It may be best to do this experiment when you don't have to show up at work or give your day of service. The experiment is to stay in the jello state, the fog state. You don't say no, don't say yes, no stop. You may be stuck in front of the closet all day deciding which color underwear to use.
Experiment with the obvious necessity for life to work as a human being: Boundaries need to be made, but don't make them!
Write down in your Beep! Book what you've learned about the number of boundaries that you didn't make. At the end of the three days, make a short 2-minute video about what you discovered and share it on Youtube.
After completing this experiment please register Matrix Code BOUNDARI.01 in your free account at StartOver.xyz with the Youtube Link as a proof. This Experiment is worth 3 Matrix Points.
FIND OUT WHY YOU ARE AFRAID TO MAKE BOUNDARIES
Matrix Code BOUNDARI.02
In those critical moments when a critical boundary needs to be made, why don't you make it?
For the next 5 days, Notice every time you miss an opportunity to make a boundary. What stopped you, really? In your mind, perhaps you even decided to make a Boundary. You even saw it would be a good idea to make a Boundary. But something stopped you from making the Boundary. What exactly was it?
Hint: when you don't make a boundary, there is bitterness, an anger that says "I should have said something, I should have done something different"? When you realize later that,"I didn't want it that way", write in your Beep! Book your deep inquiries about why you didn't do it?
It's a different feeling than the anger, inquire about what the fear is. Make a list of all these fears, and these are all gateways for emotional healing processes for you to set boundaries.
After completing this experiment please register Matrix Code BOUNDARI.02 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 5 Matrix Points.
FIND OUT WHERE YOU STAY ADAPTIVE AND WHY
Matrix Code BOUNDARI.03
Do this with your Possibility Team.
Part 1:
Research the spaces, places in your everyday life where you are not making a clear Boundary. Once you have written a list in your Beep! Book of at least 10-15 situations or people where you do not make a Boundary (use the experiment above to help you find situations, if you need to), go to Part 2.
Part 2:
Make a video enacting what happens in each of the situations what happens when you don't have a boundary. Max 2 minute video. Put them all in one video.
Part 3:
Make another video making the boundary. Practice making the boundary in different ways. Saying "Thank you for your offer. I decline your offer. This means, 'No!'" Also figure out your own ways to make boundaries.
Publish these 2 videos online. Put these 10 situations in two 2-min videos.
After completing this experiment please register Matrix Code BOUNDARI.03 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 5 Matrix Points.
STUDY THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Matrix Code BOUNDARI.04
For the next week, study animal behaviour close up.
Study pigeons. Notice that when the male pigeon wants to have sex with the female pigeon, she never makes a boundary. She moves away, she has no Boundary.
Study ants. When two ants are trying to move pieces of food back to the cave, they only argue with each other. They do not negotiate a Boundary.
Study dogs. They try to ake a Boundary by peeing on their territory and barking to keep other dogs away, but does it work? No.
Now study humans. Human beings are animals. Write down 10 incidents in your Beep! Book where human beings behave like animals by trying to live without consciously making a Boundary. Write down the outcome of each effort (how well it works).
Write an article about the difference between humans and animals is that human beings can make Boundaries. In the article, explore or explain the elements of Intention, Consciousness, Purpose, Energetic Space, and Negotiations that are involved in humans making clear Boundaries. Use the link to your article as Proof when you register Matrix Code BOUNDARI.04 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 5 Matrix Point.
USE BOUNDARIES TO CREATE EXTRAORDINARY SPACE
Matrix Code BOUNDARI.05
At any kind of meeting, tell the people that you are going to ask them to participate in an Experiment where you will establish certain Boundaries so that you can together experience extraordinary space.
Explain that making such Boundaries is, for example, shutting the front door so the neighbors' dog does not poop on your carpet, turning the faucet off so that water doesn't get wasted down the drain, putting banana peels in the compost bucket so that people don't slip on the floor and break their necks.
Proceed to define and negotiate 10 Boundaries for making the space extraordinary. Including things like:
- Using 'I' statements, e.g. "I think...", "I feel...", "I want...", etc.
- Using completion loops.
- Using a Spaceholder in a Circle rather than a 'leader' in a Hierarchy.
- Using a Scribe to document your journey and your Jewels.
- Establishing a clear Purpose for the meeting.
- Setting the Context of the meeting Space at Adult Level Responsibility or above.
- Gremlins sit at each person's side - this is not a Gremlin Feeding Space.
- etc.
If you are able to create and navigate Extraordinary Meeting Space, then give a Workshop about how to create extraordinary space by using clearly negotiated Boundaries.
After giveing your Workshop, please register Matrix Code BOUNDARI.05 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 5 Matrix Points.
KEEP BOUNDARIES WHILE RELATING WITH 10 PEOPLE FOR 10 DAYS MAKING 10 BOUNDARIES EACH DAY
Matrix Code BOUNDARI.06
True Boundaries have true Consequences. The common Thoughtware about Boundaries is that they are destructive and kill intimacy. They force people or you to go away. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
This Experiment is for you to have the experience that authentic Boundaries are a true sign of care. Consciously negotiated Boundaries care for yourself and care for the other person and care for the space of relating. With living Boundaries, the space of relating continues in a more vulnerable, more authentic, more caring way, more than what you had before.
Make a list of 10 people to whom you have been giving your center away, people you've been pleasing. You do what you think they want to hear or do so that they don't go away.
For the next 10 days make one Boundary per day, purposefully. In each of the relationships, make a Boundary and explain saying, "I would like to keep having a connection with you, but from now on like this. Do you agree or do you disagree."
The Boundaries could be something like:
"I will tell you what I really want. Then you tell me what you really want."
"If you are not here on time, the meeting is over."
"If you do not keep your Gremlin conscious and at your side, the meeting is over."
"If you start to tell me what my life should be like, this conversation is over."
"I talk for three minutes while you listen. Then you talk for three minutes while I listen. We use my watch as the timer."
"If you speak to me as if you are a Victim, then you write down what you say in your Beep! Book and use it as a Doorway for your next Emotional Healing Process (EHP) to be done before next Saturday."
True Boundaries have true Consequences. The Experiment is to notice the shift of quality in your space of relating when you apply Conscious Boundaries and have Agency with the Consequences. It could be that half of the people choose not to relate with you when you have Boundaries. This tells you that they could only be with you when you had no Boundaries, and you were doing only what they wanted. Their Gremlin benefitted from feeding on you.
After completing this experiment please register Matrix Code BOUNDARI.06 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 10 Matrix Points.
DISCOVER AND DEFUSE YOUR UNCONSCIOUS BOUNDARIES
Matrix Code BOUNDARI.07
Title a page in your Beep! Book "my unconscious boundaries". The subtitle is "the boundaries that protect my box. What my mother never told me and my father didn't know." Make a list of 50 boundaries that you have.
A true Boundary must be Conscious and Intentional.
Examples of Unconscious and Unintentional Boundaries include:
- I work 5 days a week and take 2 days on the weekend off.
- I will not wear clothing of the opposite sex.
- I will not be radically honest.
- I can not make changes in the town council.
- I can not argue with my father / mother, I have to respect their proclamations.
- I can not be on time.
- I have to go to bed before 9 o'clock at night.
- I have to wake up by 7 in the morning.
- I have to be a responsive nice boss / partner / father / .....
- I am not allowed to do what I really want.
- I can only drink water.
- I must behave in a way that people don't think I'm crazy.
- I must have reasons for everything, just in case anybody asks why I am doing what I am doing.
- etc.
These boundaries can hide behind proverbs like "you can't always get what you want". Or "you have to work (hard) to make money". Or "you have to go to college to get a good job". They can hide behind social rules and aphorisms.
- "I have to wait 3 days before I call this person" or
- I can not have a conversation with a Trump supporter.
- I can not go into a sex shop.
- I have to give money to beggars.
- I have to give to charity to be a good person.
Do not stop before you have 50. You have far more than 50 Unconscious Boundaries. But once you have documented 50 in your Beep! Book, choose them one at a time (and perhaps doing this in pairs) go through each one and ask these questions:
1. Where did this Boundary come from?
2 Is this Boundary really mine?
3. What is the real purpose behind this Boundary?
4. Now that I have made this Boundary conscious, do I want to keep it or not?
If it is a Boundary that you want to give back, experiment with giving it back. Somebody role-plays who is the source of the Boundary. Then use a towel or stone and give the Boundary back to them. Put Golden Pearls of your own Energy and Information in your Being to fill up the space where the Boundary used to be.
Some Boundaries you will want to keep, some you will want to get rid of, and some you won't know. With the ones you don't know, experiment with making the Boundary consciously, breaking the Boundary consciously. Every option is an option. If every option is not an option, then you are following an unconscious Memetic Construct and you don't have access to what is truly possible.
It is an essential part of the experiment to share it. You can write an article titled The Boundaries That I Gave Back. You can share it in a group or team. You can upload a 3 minute statement video on Youtube. It is so important to share your Experiments because many people have never thought of doing these things and you might open a door of their Box.
After completing this experiment please register Matrix Code BOUNDARI.07 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 5 Matrix Points.
MAKE CONSCIOUS BOUNDARIES WITH YOUR MOTHER
Matrix Code BOUNDARI.08
Reserve a slot of 30 minutes in undisturbed atmosphere
Write down all the boundaries you ever wanted to make with your mother. Candidly and very clearly. She should not ..
- call you every Sunday and expect you to listen to her for an hour.
- come over and do your laundry.
- post about you on Facebook.
- give you hand-knitted socks for Christmas.
- call you the name you had as a child (some belittling nickname)
- tell you how to raise your child.
- pinch your cheeks.
- expect you to wear the clothes she gives you for your birthday.
- emphasise that she is worrying about you.
- not expect you to send postcards when you go to a foreign country.
- come over for dinner at Thanksgiving.
- .....
These are all the boundaries you want to make with your mother. Any boundaries. Reasonable or Unreasonable. Make none of them and realize that you don't have to because you have shifted identity from being her little boy or girl to being a Possibilitator. Her actions no longer apply to your world. The target that she delivers her behaviours towards is no longer available. Doesn't exist. Every time you try to make a boundary against your mother she controls you. You strengthen that which you oppose. A boundary is opposition.
This is about shifting identity and holding space for yourself and in the world. Rather than holding space for yourself in relationship to your mother or other authority figures. You can stand alone in your own authority. Each person has authority in reality.
Celebrate becoming the source of your own authority, free of being against anything else.
After completing this experiment please register Matrix Code BOUNDARI.08 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 5 Matrix Points.
DO NOT BE AVAILABLE FOR MANIPULATION
Matrix Code BOUNDARI.09
Manipulation taps into your unconscious fear of losing / missing something in order to fulfil another person's intention. This could show up in your life as ..
- making you feel "bad" / "guilty" about something
- blackmailing you with a awkward consequence
- instilling you with a desire for an object or an experience
- catching you with "last chance" opportunities
- "I did this for you - you should do this for me" logic
- etc.
Be vigilant where you agree with such statements. These are the moments you hand your authority and power to that person. You are losing your boundary and accept being manipulated.
For one week, notice these statements. The energetic moves from the people around you to make you do what they want. Where are you forfeiting your clarity? Write them down.
After 1 week communicate the results (with your Possibility Team, a 3-cell, a Possibilitator) and work out 3 practices to stand your ground and communicate your boundary.
After completing this experiment please register Matrix Code BOUNDARI.09 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 3 Matrix Points.
MAKE CONSCIOUS INTELLIGENT CREATIVE PROACTIVE BOUNDARIES
Matrix Code BOUNDARI.10
Start viewing boundaries as mechanical structures you use to build bridges into new possibilities. Remember that a boundary that you make that you forget about is no longer a boundary. Boundary disappears as soon as you're not holding it there.
This experiment is to build bridges and walk on them into new territory. Meaning, if you forget that the boundary is there, you fall into the abyss.
For example, make the boundaries and tell the people around you you're going to spend 6 hours a day 5 days a week writing a book that the manuscript will be finished in 3 months, and then walk into that world.
Do whatever it takes so that your boundary is true and let everything else fall where it may. In this way, you can build bridges into whole new lifestyles, worlds, qualities of relationship, creativity and discovery.
Warning: do not try to build too many bridges at the same time (more than 2). You can't walk on more than one bridge at the same time. Build a bridge, walk it.
Note: you can build other bridges for other people to walk simultaneously. Meet together.
After completing this experiment please register Matrix Code BOUNDARI.10 in your free account at StartOver.xyz. This Experiment is worth 5 Matrix Points.
BECOME THE BOUNDARY
Matrix Code BOUNDARI.11
This experiment depends on you joining Rage Club. In the Rage Club request from the spaceholder that you practice making boundaries until you become the boundary.
Requires making the boundary at high-intensity anger, more than 65% pure intense anger. Becoming the boundary changes the shape of your Being, which forces the universe to change its shape around you, therefore becoming the boundary changes the shape of the universe. Changing the shape of the universe is an innate capacity of a Possibilitator. It is so. This is the way.
Go to Rage Club. Don't worry if you lose a few friends by changing your shape. There are a bunch more new friends waiting for you on the other side. When people ask what happened to you, look them straight in the face and say "Go to Rage Club and find out for yourself." The world is an amazing playspace.
After completing this experiment on the last day of the Rage Club please register Matrix Code BOUNDARI.11 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 5 Matrix Points.
CREATE VITALLY ALIVE BOUNDARIES IN YOUR DAILY JUNGLE
Matrix Code BOUNDARI.12
You have a closer look at your day. You take hundreds of decisions what to do and what not to do. You may have an exact plan for the day you meticulously follow - or you find yourself in a jungle of possible things to do and you decide from moment to moment what best meets your current needs. How aware are you about your actual attribution of life energy to specific purposes and projects?
Start with establishing an X on the map where you are. Take your Beep! Book (or a notepad) and write down every (non)activity you do. Note the time. And leave one column open for finding a purpose (identify purpose at the end of your experiment). An example:
h__ | activity____________________ | comment________| purpose
6:30 | wake up.. bathroom procedure_| cold shower_____ | .......................
6:55 | breakfast __________________ |________________| family, healthy food
7:45 | facebook, newspaper, mails___ |________________| ??
8:55 | read Website Make Boundaries_|________________| personal growth
..........................................
Observe yourself protocolling your day. What do you feel when having a double focus on doing and observing/protocolling? Do it as precise as you can do without getting upset.
Do this for consecutive 3 days. How does the fact of observing yourself in the course of the day subtly influence your decisions? If you forget to protocol for some time, estimate the time and reconstruct the activities.
On the 4th day, take 30 min of your time and find a purpose-category for each entry in the daily list. Answer these questions for yourself:
- How consistent are my daily activities with my values / bright principles / life vison ?
- What categories do I feel to be overly represented in my life?
- What categories are actually missing or fall short ?
- Which of my 5 bodies get most energy in my day ?
- What kind of boundaries could support me in more balance / more aliveness / ..?
- How much space do you have for nonlinear creativity / doing what you really are here on the planet ?
- .......
Share your findings with your partner / your Possibility Team. Eventually make a Pirate Agreement (State that you will do something challenging as Task 1, and put another even more challenging Task 2 on stake in case you do not accomplish Task 1.)
After completing this experiment on the last day of the Rage Club please register Matrix Code BOUNDARI.12 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.
This Experiment is worth 4 Matrix Points.
NOTE: This website is a Bubble in the Bubble Map of the free-to-play massively-multiplayeronline-and-offline thoughtware-upgrade matrix-building personal-transformation real-life adventure-game called StartOver.xyz. It is a doorway to experiments that upgrade your thoughtware so you can relocate yourpoint of origin and create more possibility. Your knowledge is what youthink about. Your thoughtware is what you useto think with. When you change your thoughtware,you go through a liquid state as your mind reorganizes itself. Liquid states can bring uptransformational feelings and emotions. By upgrading your thoughtware you build matrix to hold more consciousness and leave behind a low drama life of reactivity. No one can upgrade yourthoughtware for you. More interestingly, no one can stop you from upgrading our thoughtware. Our theory is that when we collectively build 1,000,000 new Matrix Points wewill change the morphogenetic field of the human race for the better. Please choose responsibly to read this website. Reading thiswhole website is worth 1 Matrix Point. Doing any of the experiments earns you additional Matrix Points. Please use Matrix Code BOUNDARI.00 to log yourMatrix Point for reading this website on StartOver.xyz. Thank you for playing full out!
A life without boundaries is a garden without a fence.
Any dog can come along and in a few seconds change your unprotected garden into a dog toilet.
- Clinton Callahan
